philmayfield

My wife’s hidden them and won’t tell me where! So much for piping in the haggis tomorrow.

I do actually own a set of bagpipes. Sadly I’ve never mastered them!

Seriously?

Seriously, we always have haggis on Burns Night. Funny thing a haggis, round like football - you don’t know whether to cook it or kick it. When you’ve cooked It you wish you’d kicked it!

Tomorrow, Saturday 25th. we celebrate the birthday of Robbie Burns. I trust you will be eating haggis, tatties and neaps followed by a cranachan desert. All washed down with a dram or two. Save the hare until Sunday Compo!

Thanks. I’ll check my diary.

I wanted to join but couldn't face the induction ceremony!

You are now officially a member of the Royal family. The vacancy has been filled!

Have you got a royal seal of approval stamped on your backside?

Did the Princess Royal take an active part or was she just there to observe?

‘Crossed the Menai Straits!’ Not heard that euphemism before!

I'm going to do everything I'm told. I'm fed up with inactivity and intend to get back to full fitness ASAP. My recent blood test said 'no problems' so that's encouraging!

I’ve got an exercise bike. Anymore than five minutes and I’m bored rigid. Better to cycle down the lane and risk being hit by a tractor.

The last time I flew to Dublin the airport was fogged in so we diverted to Shannon on the west coast. I had a few drinks as I assumed we would be bussed back to Dublin. In typical Irish fashion the bus never appeared so we hired a car and I was nominated to drive all the way across the country. It was dark and the fog was thick so it was a nightmare journey. We eventually made it sustained by the multiple drinks I had consumed on the plane. We hired a taxi on the outskirts of Dublin and followed it to our hotel.

Reg King used to promote the boxing evenings at the Albany Hotel. It was called ‘The International Sporting Club’. It was a dinner jacket affair with a meal prior to the fights and a comedian such as Bob Monkhouse or Bernard Manning - always big names. The bouts were conducted in silence with applause only allowed between the rounds. It always made for a good evening.

I fitted banisters in my parents’ house. When we moved there I took them down. I’m beginning to realise that was a mistake!

As long as it didn’t make you spill it!

Can’t ‘womanise’ with a bad leg! Still waiting for a hip doner.

You won’t believe this but for the second time today, this time when I was buying wine from the farm shop, I was once again asked ‘if I was doing anything exciting’. Is this becoming a common form of greeting or do I look like an elderly ‘action man’?

Thanks but I’ve done lots of track days. Until recently I had a Lotus 111S which I bought for my 70th birthday present to myself and I used to go to Cadwell Park. It was getting a little difficult to get in and out of though so it had to go!

More exciting than my day!

Awaiting hip transplant so that one's out, sorry!

What's exciting about that? The chap drops the papers in a box in the village and my wife collects our copy and then gossips on her way back home.

I’ve just been to the newsagent’s at Lowdham to pay for my paper delivery and the the owner asked me if I was doing ‘anything exciting’ this weekend. It made me think ‘when was the last time I did anything exciting’? It must have been years ago. I’m now actively looking for excitement. Any suggestions? Obviously ‘womanising’ is out of the question!

I go to bed listening to an ‘intellectual’ programme on Radio 4 with the timer set for one hour. Five minutes of ‘intellectual’ and I’m sound asleep.