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Morning Beefsteak.

Gone a bit quiet, have we????

BECAUSE YOUR SILENCE IS DEAFENING, old boy!

You can even hear weird noises, if you pay close attention.

Roll on the third day!!!

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Walked past Harold Larwood and Bill Voce in Kirkby this morning......couldnt bring mesen to tell em the score......just got a coffee from Subway and sat and drunk it down at 'Long Off''...........

"Trevor S, wherever in the world that I've been staying, I've always been an Englishman from Nottingham. That's why I can't understand how you can put Australia before England. I realise that you've m

Australian Love Poem Of course I love ya darlin You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of fl

The one thing you forget ,"Old Boy" ..................is that we're already 2 to the good, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and your lot are still playing "catch up"

So please don't mistake my silence as anything other than the fact that I'm saving my voice for the final rapture..................................(which won't be too long, as we've already proved in the last couple of "Ashes series")

PS............................. Where's Stan gone ?

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In your dreams, Old Boy!

Confidentially speaking though, I just do not want to say too much about the state of play at the moment in case I put the mozz on it.

So, shhhhhhhhhh.


As for Stan....wasn't he talking about going back to England?...................................................


Posted 22 July 2013 - 08:18 AM

I shall be arriving at Heathrow at 05.30 on 23rd July (all being well). Have come to give Darren Lehmann from South Australia a bit of a hand. Also Marcus Setchell and Kate seem to be in need of advice. Don`t worry help is at hand!!!

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Bloody stupid umpires ruined the chance of a result (either way!)

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Still another day, providing there is no more rain.

Our lot, forever the sporting types, will declare overnight and then give the fans a game to remember; attempting to get your lot out in one day and under 331 runs....still possible smile2

Beefsteak, just thought I should point out a small matter that has been played out over the past few days. You have probably been concentrating on fishing for waterway pests and staying dry. At least the fresh air should clear the avgas fumes from your cerebral passages!

Anyway, I refer to the 2013 World Aquatic Championships in your old haunt, Barcelona.

I see that your swimmers got more bronze medals than we did for the entire meet - your lot got 1 bronze and we got none! Good job Francesca Halsall got that bronze medal or your lot would have finished on the bottom of the table at 29th position.

The rest of your aquanauts have apparently done exactly what your Gary Hunt did to get his silver medal for you.....they took a dive :rotfl:

Nearly forgot, Australia finished sixth with 14 medals....all gold and silver. Not bad for a country of 24 million people when up against the likes of Russia, US, China, Germany, France etc.

Oh, nearly slipped my mind - our women are shortly going to show your lot (and ours) how to play cricket - starts on the 11th

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/20729965

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Told you , that's what happens when you employ an Aussie swimming coach.

And of course your lot are going to do well at swimming, what with Bull Sharks, Salt Water Crocodiles, Blue Ringed Octopus, box Jelly Fish and the like there's nowhere safe to swim down there!

slywink

Can't see the Cricket being played out today , I'm about 20 miles from Old Trafford and it's whizzing it down here, (I'm off chasing waterborn pests right now, even closer to the ground than I am here!)

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Oh and congratulations on coming 4th behind those world renowned swimming nations of France and China.

I've just had a quick gleg at the table and I see that once mighty nation Germany could only muster a paltry one silver too !

Oh and I'm sure i read somewhere that Missy Franklin came from Nottingham originally.................................................................................... :jumping:unionflag

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And aren't you the quiet and polite one today.....overdosed on 'Be Nice' pills did we?

As for swimming in Oz...it may surprise you, Beefsteak, but we do have swimming pools, real big ones too with blue tiles and full of water.

By the way, I do not know which aquatics meet you are talking about (#207) but we came 6th and Germany got 3 silver http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2013_World_Aquatics_Championships

Missy Franklin was born in Pasadena, California and I see no reference that she came from Nottingham but, she does have size 13 feet.

Can you hear swishing when you shake your head?????? Do you kiss the carp when you catch them?

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The table I saw showed you as coming 4th behind America , China and France.

Missy Franklin was born in Pasadena, California and I see no reference that she came from Nottingham but, she does have size 13 feet.

Was she? ......bu99er I was misinformed.

Anyway we had to let you win at something 'cause you'd have become more insuferable than ever.

So lets do 'countback'

The Lions, who won that.............. Oh yes that was us.

Wimbledon..................mmmmmmm............yup us again

Tour de France........Now that's a hard one, let me guess......An Englishman. yup yet again.

(PSSST , we've retained the Ashes but don't tell anyone , it's a secret !)

englandflag englandflag englandflag englandflag englandflag

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You are on medication!

Resorting to countbacks are we? What next - the number of ends that Drake won at bowls as the Armada approached?

As for your retention of the Ashes, I see no reason for you to be ecstatic or even proud of such an achievement. It was a DRAW.

I concede that your lot were an excellent side on the whole BUT, please realise that we were not only up against the England XI - we also had to contend with abysmal umpiring decisions and your lousy weather. The Third Test was ours for the taking until your lot utilised that famous umpiring duo, Blind Freddy and Stoned Stewart together with your late inclusion as a substitute, Mother Nature herself.

Enjoy your delusions of grandeur, Beefsteak. They will not last for long.

See our Sam Stosur won another WTA Final on Sunday over in the States. Even in the Deaflympics 2013 in Sofia. we beat you in the medal tally, finishing 25th to your lowly 33rd.

I won't CARP on any longer, mate!

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Scotland won the world elephant polo championships but it doesn't make them the best sporting nation in the world , does it ?

And it's a very poor workman who blames his tools (Or in your lots case useless tools) so if you think for one second you can blame the umpires think again and look at it from the other side of the fence, you'll see that there were just as many dodgy decisions given in your favour as there were in ours !

Just the last 8 or 9 years will do for the count back thank you, seeing as how when Drake was playing bowls your lot were still plying your trades on the highways of England (Robbing people)

By the way , did you know that if left in the sun for a couple of hundred years even yoghurt develops a culture. Where's yours ?............................. slywink

(Sorry if the last one seemed a bit nasty , but I've been saving it up for just in case we lost , BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN DID IT ?)

girlvboyenglandflag:laughing::rotfl:smile2wereno1slywinkkickme:cheers:

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Whatever your pathetic reasoning, old boy, the fact remains that in the Third Test the weather and the umpiring decisions were against us....even blind Freddy could see that!

I am not going to waste my time reiterating what I have already said....decisions were dodgy on both sides but WE GOT SOME BL**DY RIPPERS. What happened to the end of the fourth day? We could have had a few more overs as the light was not that bad!

Highway robbers you say! Seems to me that your lot are still practising that trade when it comes to sport, particularly cricket.

And as far as culture, you would not know the meaning of the word if you fell over it! Those bl**dy waterway pests that you catch would have more culture in their little finny fin fins than you ever will!

We Aussies are cultured, couth and classy, so refined that one can dismiss the drivel of some agricultural peasants without as much as a backward glance. Like water of a ducks' back.

I must sign off now....we are going to the opera this evening...Toodle pip.

And Scotland did not win the world elephant polo championship because there is no such sport...tusk tusk tusk!

Here is an song that might enhance your day...Turn the sound up full and enjoy.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hECaSwoZzKE

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Like water of a ducks' back.

More like "Shit off a shovel"

And may I refer my (Not so) learned colleague to the following....................... http://www.elephantpolo.com/

Nuff said.

Yet again We win , you lose !!!............................ :rotfl:

Roll on Thursday...........

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Hey, Beefsteak.....On another thread on this Forum, the topic is what musical instruments you can play and perhaps Nottstalgia could get a band together?

They have a champ in you alone. I reckon that you could power the entire wind section on your own :rotfl:

Thankyou for expanding my field of knowledge re the elephant polo. I did not know about that game until now. As they say....you live and learn!

By the way, the opera was excellent last night but successfully describing the cultural delights of it to you would be as impossible as Pamela Anderson falling flat on her face!

Roll on Thursday???????? If you are referring to the Fourth Test in Durham, old boy, it starts on FRIDAY the 9th of August, 2013 pieinface:rotfl:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcPSmFhmhJ4

More like "sh1t off a shovel" Learn what it means before you post it but I appreciate that you concede that we are really fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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If that is the case, StephenFord, it was unknowingly used and hardly can be termed "pinched".

As for the Sound of Music - It can be archived where the sun don't shine!

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I take it you tried to play the trumpet and failed miserably..........Cause you keep trying to blow your own without much success.

As for the Cricket, that was a mistake by the BBC commentary team that i was listening too. Mind you we can excuse them as we had just retained the 'Ashes' so they're to be forgiven as their minds were elsewhere at the time

And as for the last bit, forget the shovel, your lot are just.............................

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Well, like the title of the thread suggests ........................................ slywink

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Hey, Beefsteak, I reckon that you would have to be a top yachtsman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All wind and water :rotfl:

As for Australia getting desperate re the Channel 9 silicone edge on bat story.........clean the wax out of your ears! The CH9 news story clearly alleges both England AND Australia may be guilty of tampering and equally, both sides have denied such allegations. Get your facts right :angry2:

http://wwos.ninemsn.com.au/video.aspx?videoid=88cb5a9a-507e-4248-ba99-e8a6be4cfdfe

By the way, I see the Oz Women's XI had a nice little win yesterday in their lead up to the Test starting on the 11th. They are on the verge of women's cricket world domination (BBC reporters words, not mine!). :)

Oh, Beefsteak, the cricket starts tomorrow - Friday the 9th. Would not want you sitting in front of your TV or radio today, carping about no cricket coverage! :laughing:

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Before you start telling me to get the wax out of my earoles, t'was not I who made the comments , but it was certainly broadcast over here that some idiot over there was trying to find any excuse possible to try and help your lot wriggle out of the hole you've dug yourselves. No mention of blaming the Aussies of doing it too!

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:No1:

" but it was certainly broadcast over here that some idiot over there was trying to find any excuse possible to try and help your lot wriggle out of the hole you've dug yourselves. No mention of blaming the Aussies of doing it too!"

And what media outlet do you subscribe to wherein some idiot over there states some idiot over here etc etc etc and no mention of the Aussies doing it too - The Carp Weekly?

Just check out your own media outlets on line and read the facts - even the BBC Cricket online covers the issue in such a way that you would understand! Ooompah, Ooompah, Ooompah :laughing:

Enough of this inane banter, Doctor Watson, there is a game afoot.......................................... :biggrin:

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It was good old Aunty Beeb herself that it all came from over here.

Thinking about it for a nanno second, they have to let you think that way else you'll all start crying even more............. "The pommes cheated, pass us a tinny Sheila, we don't get no calls in our favour, watch out for the redback in the dunny Sheila , they're using sticky tape to stop the replays hearing owt, we've run out of V.B. wonder why that is, god this review system is awful, I know, i'll go and bash up some pommie in a wig, wonder where Sheila got to with that beer, why are the pommies so good at sport all of a sudden, god I'm bored, why are we so sh1t for that matter, I wish Sheila would hurry with the beer, Sheila!! SHEILA!!!!!!!, Oh no, a Red back bite on her bum ! Ah well, now I'm on my feet I may as well get myself a beer, On no, what about my sex life?.........................

All together now, 'Bestiality's best, mate, bestiality's best' (sh*g a wallaby)

Kind of sort of brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Tie Me Kangaroo down sport" don't it ??

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Dearie, dearie me. Beefsteak, didn't your mummy ever tell you that imitation is the best form of flattery?

As for that tirade of utter rubbish at #223, it is evident that you have inhaled one too many whiffs of avgas, kissed a diseased carp, absorbed too much water through the bonce whilst out fishing or....you have some deep, dark, demented chambers of your psyche that need immediate investigation.

Do you really dream of being tied down by a kangaroo? Or being served beer by females called Sheila? And you want a Sheila to hand you a tinny?? A tinny is a small aluminium boat used for fishing down here!

The phrases used in that tirade are vintage Oz and I am just wondering whether our Beefsteak is actually an Australian who has finally come out of the closet, so to speak slywink

This can be cured, Beefsteak, and your friends will support you. Take heart and remember the words of that famous sporting anthem 'You'll never walk alone'.

As for Rolf Harris - you have him and you can keep him but let us not pre-empt any Court of Law as to a finding of guilt.

Dame Edna has gone to pasture anyway - God, you should get up to date!

Ha Ha......Just about 90 minutes to go :loser:

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