Is This The Houseboat That Mungo Jerry Built?

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  • 1 year later...
  • 1 year later...

More Sawley Parish Citizen is now available on archive org.

Horrid Hobbits Habits Squashed!

It’s all fine and well going to the movies, or reading a book about those cute little hobbits. In Sawley were sick of ‘em! Worse than vermin say’s I. We have evidence to prove that the humungous, mysterious, XXL piles of the previously alleged dog poo, are in fact the produce of a rouge local hobbit colony. Read more on our tail of outrage.


For weeks the good burgers of the parish have been plagued in the streets by large piles of poop. Mothers with prams and young children have had to cross the road, to avoid fresh daily lumps on the way to local schools. Motorists have been forced to drive slowly for fear of hitting a pile in the dark. Even the poor, dear unfortunate paper boy Lee Trevino had to be taken to casualty when he turned a corner on Wilmot Street, only to lunge head first on his cycle, right up to his middle in the muck.

Some months ago now, large piles of supposed doggy poo seemed to reside on every street corner. Increasing to intolerable levels over the last few months. We all knew then that no dog could manage to deliver the offending items…except maybe some weird cross breed. Could it be an elephant terrier?

It is no coincidence that our issue coincides with news of rouge hobbits families being re housed after bulldozers dug up their old den on the site of Churchfields. The new yuppie housing estate, owned by our beloved Rev. Sadglam B’stard’s property business; Bogoff Estates. Their sales pitch is ‘praise be for quality homes with a conscience.’

Hobbits are said to be up in arms about this as Churchfields had been there breeding grounds for centuries. Some hobbits consider Sawley to be the legendary ‘middle earth’, central to the hobbits beliefs. Others argue differently including the Rev. That Hobbits are nothing but a bunch of short arsed gypsy pagans, who need some discipline in their lives and are always on the cadge.

Never the less, this magazine is looking for reporting, or photos of pooing Hobbits to be reported to the letters page. So we can collect evidence and catch the critters brown handed. Let’s eliminate these super doper poopers once and for all, and rid the intolerable smell and disgusting pavement piles of mega poop, from all around our fair parish.

Bless you citizens! Forward ho!

Nos E Parker

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Rev. Sadglam - Abducted By Aliens? The Mystery Continues.

It’s taken a wee while for Rev. Sadglam B’stard to recover from his ‘alleged’ kidnap ordeal. Soooooo! Shocking news has only now been revealed to me from our beloved leader, about his experiences at the hands of aliens/hobbits!


This is the first of our transcripts from his hospital bedside….

“It was 1973 when I saw The Sweet for the first time on ‘Top of the Pops, curled up on my parent’s sofa...they were like soooo space age television man! Being abducted by aliens reincarnated the same feeling's in me. Except this time it was 2002, and in the car park of Sawley Community Centre.”

Please see earlier reports for detail...

“Previous kidnapping reports had mentioned the possibility of hobbits, but to be honest to tie it just to them is only partly true. I have soooo-many enemies, it could have been one of many . However,’I hate to say I told you so’! , but I guess it was only a matter of time before 'evil' alien interests, or their representatives tacked me down?”

"You see, they know I know!", he whispered, checking right and left as he spoke.

“The aliens have taken the physical form on earth of hobbits…but I josh ye not. Those aliens are 4 real. They eat Shrews by the bucket's their life blood... and are planning world domination via a chain of soon to be opened Super Sawley Shrew - Fast Food Joints. So please don’t eat then…please! They are contaminating the stuffed Shrews, with stuff that will do your head in.” mumbled the Rev.

It was then that the nurse came out and made the Rev sit back in his bath chair/rocker…and asked me to leave. More to follow dear readers, more revelations... believe, believe, believe!

Verger Vic

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  • 3 years later...
  • 1 year later...

Had coffee with matt busby in a tea shop in Sheffield 


edit ,,,sorry did this on my phone,,,in doctors,,,should huve been in dreums n nightmures      lol

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