Winter Fuel Allowance


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WintER FUEL ALLOWANCE
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting programme and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel' payment ?
A. It is money the government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel' cheque wisely:

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on prostitutes
4. Buying beer or whisky
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.
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Car boots - OK; night clubs terrify me; A prostitute would probably kill me; Beer and Whisky - OK; Tattoo - No chance, I like me as I am; Bookies? No they're rich enough.

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Don't get a choice here. They just contribute a percentage of your electricity and gas bills. F'instance I got $10 off an $85 gas bill and $36 off a $266 electricity bill. Not much, but better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick.

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Winter fuel allowance is just one of those things that I use to look forward to getting.

Sadly, WFA, like my state pension, free bus pass and TV licence, seems to be moving further and further away from me as the government keep moving the age at which I'd become eligible for them.

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I'm afraid with our first winter fuel allowance me and the wife bought a Wii. Figured all that jumping about would keep us warm! On a more serious note, I suppose I don't really need it, but ...

if I give it back to the government it's a drop in the ocean - and they probably don't have the mechanism to actually accept it back

if I give it to charity how do I know it's being put to good use. Will it actually get there or go towards a new plane or car for some dictator. Will most of it be eaten up by admin costs?

if I support a child in a third world country (like England!) how do I know that those drawings and letters are being sent by grateful kid and not some scammer in Nigeria or somewhere (not biased against Nigeria - I speak from experience).?

If I go round Nottingham giving it to the buskers, beggars and whatnot am I helping them to fund a drug habit?

Bu***r it! Looks like Super Mario 7 this year!

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If that Aircraft Carrier is used to maintain the balance of power with China and particularly Pakistan, it will be money well spent. Incidentally have just received this note from a friend,maybe this is where our money to India is going?

Hi Stan!! I have exciting news! Prince Charles and Camilla are going to be coming to Dehradun during their India visit. They are going to go to the Indian Military Academy and the Doon School. They may also go to Rishikesh to meet our Swamiji. Guess you beat the royals to it all

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:biggrin: I rely heavily on the 'Winter Fuel Allowance', using it to pay for the upkeep of my Gas Boiler.

Refusing to live on Benefits, it's the only perk I receive (apart from my Bus Pass) whilst living on a small pension. :biggrin:

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Send it to India they need it for the new 3 billion pounds aircraft carrier they have just built. Join the government in giving money to India, it will make you feel better

That's peanuts...try this

http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com/news/257244/india-to-build-worlds-largest-statue

All the poor and starving will be so exited at this wonder...Blair will probably be at the unveiling with pillar box gob ...and Berlusconi will probably deflower some virgins to celebrate this glorious use of EEC aid.

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As an aside.

I see central heating boilers mentioned. Does everyone know about the scheme to replace older gas boilers with brand new 'A' band condensing boilers.

If you are on certain benefits you can get a brand new boiler completely free of charge, no pay back of any sort. Does not matter whether you live in rented property or your own home.

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MSE have provided a guide here to applying for a new boiler and cavity wall and roof insulation .

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/utilities/free-cavity-loft-insulation

Having said that , I applied to EDF about a month ago but haven't heard a thing since .

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David,

As to the replacement boilers if that's what you applied for, you don't go through your energy provider but through a private company.

The main criteria is that the existing boiler is none condensing and the person applying is on the right kind of benefit.

Even B&Q depot have got in on it, but the boilers they use are up to much.

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We got an offer of Free loft and Cavity wall insulation last year.

They came round and surveyed it and told us they would be in touch.

A single installer came and did the loft and made an appalling job, missing lots of areas of the loft.

After I complained, they sent a second guy, but he did not hardly improve the installation.

Sadley the firm contacted us later to tell us they were not fitting the cavity wall ionsulation,

because we were out of time despite signing them for the work in the final month.

I suspect it was due to my complaining about the loft insulation work.

I bought my own loft insulation and did the job properly myself!

Later to add insult to injury, we found a water leak on the bedroom ceiling.

They had dislodged the overflow pipe from the water tank, and a slow drip

had eventually made its way through insulation which had become sodden

and made its way through to a joint in the ceiling plasterboard!

Regarding all these free boilers, you do realized this is down to governments

pressure, and the costs go back on everyones bills.

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Well,the outfit I had in did a wonderful job for free in the loft...and I got a Christmas present too this time last year...a brand spanking new loft ladder that they forgot to take with them...a nice man...a very nice man :biggrin:

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DgBrit! Thanks for that. Think of us in the minus 70s (slight exaggeration).

You might not believe this but when it does get in the 60/70 range my teeth start to chatter

Ps it was up a bit today a/c on in the car .

6.28 pm & its 76 deg

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IF YOU ARE YOUNG FIT AND HEALTHY AND ON JOB SEEKERS YOU CANGET THE HELP WITH INSULATION AND A BOILER TO HELP KEP YOU WARM

BUT IF YOU ARE ELDERLY DISABLED AND CARNT GET ABOUT SO WELL SO FEEL THE COLD MORE BUT NOT ON ANY BENIFITS DLA DOSE NOT COUNT YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO GET THIS HELP. WE ARE ON PRE PAYMENT METERS SO WHEN OUR WINTER PAYMENT GOES INWE PUT HALF ON THE GAS AND HALFON THE ELECTRIC AS SOON AS WE GET IT OF COURSE THAT MEANS FOR A FEW WEEKS WE DONT PUT ANYTHING IN THE METERS SO WE CAN HAVE A FEW LITTLE LUSURIES OVER CHRISTMAS

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