TGC 216 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Nottinghamshire Council provides a range of services to cater for children of all ages, and aims to provide quality foster care placements to meet each child’s individual needs in respect of race, culture, religion, disability, bladder control and language. Can you offer a home to this older child with special needs please? “Gerry” Despite a troubled past, TGC is an affectionate child with much to give. He is currently being cared for by The Government Pensions Department but in the interests of our flagging economy would be better suited by having someone else fork out for his upkeep. A resilient child, he survived double pneumonia at the age of 3. Later in life TGC went deaf, bald, short-sighted and developed heart problems, arthritis, chronic depression and a dodgy bladder. Following a number of tragic bingo incidents involving his mother he was brought up solely by his father. He received little education, etiquette, decorum, deportment, or finesse. But he has many things to bring to a new family including a bus pass, a walking stick and a large supply of medication. Should he suffer one of his frequent “dizzy spells” it’s probably best to leave him on the floor until he feels he can get up again. He was originally fully potty trained, and it has been some years since he last scratched the furniture or messed on the carpet, but his short term memory is getting worse, and the arthritis can limit his speed of movement. This can cause the occasional problem – especially when making a run (rapid hobble) for the toilet. TGC will eat anything not too rich. He has become accustomed since being made redundant to living on Asda Smartprice, and Pound Shop products, and you will find these good value… crap, but good value, and they will suffice for him. Although care should be taken with his diet due to spontaneous emissions of wind from his anus and throat. This is possibly a by product of his medications. Be warned that following laser treatment, he is unaware of any build-up of gases which tend to burst out painfully; for him, and anyone unfortunate enough to be in his vicinity. He is an easy going boy, who likes to feed the pigeons and ducks in the local canal and provided that he is properly supervised rarely falls in the water. In the event of Gerry’s demands becoming a nuisance, there are some proven successful actions to control his activities: * Threaten to remove his internet connection* Remove his hearing aids* Hide his tea bags* Threaten him with a bath He is still capable of doing menial tasks - and would be willing to pet-sit, write daft poems and make tea and burnt toast for his new adoptive parents. Anyone who feels they have the temperament, empathy, Christianity and patience sufficient for them to take on the challenging task of nurturing “young” Gerry in a foster parental capacity, please send your application in to us, along with certification of sanity from a Doctor or Clinical Psychologist. Thank you. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Trevor S 2,003 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Good day Stan....Read that you had a Euthanasia Clinic opening up in Adelaide. Would save a lot of people travelling overseas. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mick2me 3,033 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 "Oh Lord, I am afflicted with a bald patch" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Trevor S 2,003 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 It is not an affliction - you are just starting to grow upwards again through your hair. The little grandkids will believe it anyway! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bilbraborn 1,594 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Sounds like my long lost twin. LOL 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Old age is an affliction that happens to all of us IF we live long enough. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bilbraborn 1,594 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I think old age must be the punishment for being young for too long 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 My wife says I'm 64 going on 15 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bilbraborn 1,594 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Second childhood is an old man's right. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FLY2 10,108 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Old age is mandatory, growing up is voluntary . 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Stan 386 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Reminds me of the saying about America. America is a country which went from infancy to old age without ever reaching maturity. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TGC 216 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I find the best aspect of retirement - was not having to get up for work... nice eh? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 Snap took pension credits in February 2009 But I'm still up most days before 7 O'clock Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TGC 216 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 I wish I could sleep in that long. Wish I could just sleep sometimes. I try to get me walks (hobbles) in regularly to help tire me a bit. I find I can fall asleep at the wrong times nowadays, usually on a bus, or in the waiting area for me blood tests easily. But it's that wonderful moment when one wakes up in bed - and the realisation that one does not have to get up if one doesn't want to... bliss! Cheers Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MELTONSTILTON 452 Posted November 21, 2013 Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes...... I read this somewhere and I think it is true.. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TGC 216 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Back in the hovel again, and getting ready to go back to the QMC fer mi NRI level blood tests. I'm please the old laptop has let me get on the web after such a long absence and the recharging her and me. (Hehe!) I've missed being on here with you all, and must now catch-up with the fings I've missed. I soon got back into mi usual swing of things his mornin' - painfully passing wind and quickly hobbling to the loo, leaving the tap running all night and still not being able to locate me hearing aids yet to mention just three. (Tsk!) Havin' to sort out me medications after having the nurses do it fer me is confusing though. Aha! - found me 'earin' aids! (Not sure why I put them with mi toofpaste at all.) TTFN, see's ya all later. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LizzieM 9,507 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Good to see you back with us TGC 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FLY2 10,108 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Glad you're back. Catch up and have a laugh. Keep them posts a comin' . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carni 10,094 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Can't think of a better place to keep your 'earin' aids TGC. Hope them there nurses have been looking after you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
... 1,411 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 I know what they mean now when they say old fart ,glad to hear the list of complaints.welcome back TGC 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TGC 216 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Can't think of a better place to keep your 'earin' aids TGC. Hope them there nurses have been looking after you. They did today gal thanks, again - bless their cotton socks! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Booth 7,364 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Welcome back, TGC. I've missed your sense of humour. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TGC 216 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Welcome back, TGC. I've missed your sense of humour. Cheers mate. The first thing the surgeon said when he inspected me scan report was: "Well what have we got here then?" Not very encouraging him not knowing - but I saw the funny side, and told him so afterwards when they were removing the tubing, and he laughed out loud! Made my day that did, and every time he passed by after that, he gave me smile or wink. They also took me hearing aids off me to give em a good clean an' lost them for a while. I told 'em: "No problem there, they get lost almost on a daily basis when I'm at 'ome!" TTFN all. Another round of laughs and smiles! I was tickled pink, I love making folk smile. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Booth 7,364 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 You certainly make me smile, TGC. Good people don't always get the breaks they deserve in this life. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mick2me 3,033 Posted February 4, 2014 Report Share Posted February 4, 2014 Thats very true Michael. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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