Ailments, Aches & Pains. (Let's hear them here)


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I second everything that has previously been said. Cancer is a terrible illness that not only affects the person concerned but the whole family.

The initial shock is being told and it takes time to take in. Make the most of the time you have together and enjoy each others company to the full, maybe remembering the funny and enjoyable  things you did together. 

When my brother was terminally ill I remember when we were kids and spent our school holidays at our grandparents who lived by the sea. We went fishing in the local park and my brother was trying to catch a big stickleback and he reached too far and fell in. A couple fished him out and asked if he was ok, I shouted back to them " he's got his best suit on". Silly I know but I was more worried what my mum would say.

Give a big hug of friendship to your wife from me and I'm sure from the rest of NS. And a hug of comfort and courage to you. Stay strong and positive for her.  

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Being the newbie I am to N.S. I couldn't work out how to reach out to Physical Perfection to tell him to get on with life as you never know what tomorrow will bring. Obviously at the moment time

I'm a happy Bunny tonight Went for my oncology visit after I had the P.E.T. scan and T.A.C. a couple of weeks ago and all is clear after the scare I had. The next process is due in 6 months after I ha

Don't think I've posted on this thread before but maybe being admitted to Stoke hospital with a heart attack on Monday justifies it  No big deal really and not as dramatic as it sounds. Admitted

I am so sorry to hear of your situation R.E.A.D. and feel your pain and despair as unfortunately we are in the same awful position with my lovely wife struggling with this. She did undergo two attempts of chemo but both times suffered attacks of cellulitis and sepsis and so in January was told that she was no longer strong enough to have any further treatment and effectively told to go home and give up, it was such a callous thing to do in our situation.

Mrs C cannot leave the house because of her physical condition so if you still have that ability and the will to so do, please make the most of the precious time that you have left together.

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#753

 

Really sorry to hear about your wife, Commo. It's a cruel illness and takes every bit of strength you've got to cope with it. I'm sure you will both find strength in each other and hope you are able to access the wonderful nurses who are available to help via Marie Curie and Macmillan. I know they've been invaluable to so many in your situation.

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Thinking of you and your wife, Commo.  It must be very difficult for you ....... 

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Thanks for your kind wishes Jill and Margie, sometimes I feel so helpless to do anything and am very disappointed at the lack of support from the organisations you mention, although we have just started to receive assistance from our GP surgery and the Locala nurses who come in daily to see to dressings do give of their best that they are able, although they are so very busy looking after so many others in need.

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R.E.A.D and Commo..... You're in my thoughts, and I'm sincerely hoping for a better and positive future for you both.

My odd aches, pains and twinges pale into insignificance, and I feel for EVERYBODY who is in a worse state than myself. 

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I cannot imagine what you are going through READ and Commo and so sorry to hear of your dear wives medical problems.  All that can be done by close relatives and friends of people who are affected by this cruel disease is to be brave and give the best support physically and emotionally to the sufferer.  

As FLY says, the niggling problems that we oldies suffer from just pale into insignificance when we hear of what other people are going though.  

Be brave, be strong.

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Sorry I haven't been on before but I really feel for both of you with the challenge life has thrown at you both. I don't know either of you personally  but through your contributions on this site I believe you both have the strength of character to do the best for your partners with lots of love and support.

I feel sure you will want at sometime to vent your frustrations and anger , the best way is to do it is in writing on this forum, where all your friends on here will be more than willing to listen to you and help you in any way they can.

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Commo and R.E.A.D, I am so sorry to read that your wives are so ill, I can only tell you how sad it makes me to think of you all in this awful situation and I will have you all in my thoughts.

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Commo words don't seem to be enough in a situation like this. When my brother was ill and he'd been given this terrible news I said to him that I didnt know what to say. He agreed and told me to just carry on talking about the first thing that came into my head. Thats difficult under the circumstances but we tried and managed to joke a little.

There is nothing one can do to ease the heartache but take time to enjoy each others company and remember the happier times. A big hug to you both.

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Thanks to Cliff for bringing R.E.A.D.'s post to our attention.

 

I can only echo everyone else's sentiments about the situation both R.E.A.D and Commo find themselves in.

 

Our thoughts and best wishes are with you all.

 

Col

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R.E.A.D. may also be in for a surprise.

 

He hasn't visited the site since I reactivated his post which had been missed, and perhaps he felt that no-one was interested. So presumably before long he will find this thread and discover that a large number of people have expressed sympathy for his situation.

 

I've added a link in the Bilborough Grammar School thread to re-direct here.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Being the newbie I am to N.S. I couldn't work out how to reach out to Physical Perfection to tell him to get on with life as you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Obviously at the moment time with my wife and family come ahead of time I would normally have spent on N.S. so that is really why I had missed this conversational thread. The outpouring (if that is the correct word) from you all has really

surprised me, people we've never met actually feel for us - there is hope for humanity you lot! I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and please don't feel sorrry for us (I'm certainly not looking for that) take heart, as I've said before if this (and many other) sad situations like this prove (Commo will agree I am sure) anything can happen, no guarantees on tomorrow DO IT and DO IT NOW .

My wife is still with me, we're now three months into the three to six month prognosis we were given at the start, if anyone can prove the medics wrong its my Julie, she's a strong woman so here's to the next year!

 

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I love your positive outlook R.E.A.D.   I believe that prognoses from doctors can be wrong (just look at Stephen Hawking) and that our mind, physical body and emotions often work together to keep us as healthy as possible.  (Also - I believe - our spirit)   I'm pleased to read that your wife is a strong lady and with you by her side doing all you can, I hope you'll keep enjoying your time together.  You're so right.... enjoying the present is the best thing to do because who knows what tomorrow will bring...

Thinking and praying  for you both

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9 hours ago, FLY2 said:

Col, I've sensed recently that you must be anxious and a worrier, but try and do something I keep being told. That is, 'If you can't do anything about a certain problem, then leave it, and carry on with life '. Hard to do, I appreciate.

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I'll respond in the 'Ailments' thread Fly.  Don't want to depress everybody.  :)

 

Col

 

 

I'm going to be baring my soul here, but if it helps one other person then it's worth it.

 

I'll put this stuff here for anyone who is interested, because I believe that Anxiety and Depression are misunderstood and far too often seen as signs of weakness. It's not surprising many people suffer in silence because a lot of the population still think.. wrongly... that people can 'just snap out of' these things.  Worse.. people can associate Anxiety and Depression with 'being a bit loopy', which then leads to the ignorant seeing the anxious and depressed as somehow 'not normal'.. 'a bit mental'.. or even dangerous.  While it is true that some serious mental illnesses such as Schizophrenia or some Personality Disorders and forms of Psychopathic Behaviour can produce dangerous individuals, anxious and depressed individuals are more likely to be a threat to themselves than others.

 

To save me a lot of typing, here is a pretty reasonable description of Generalised Anxiety Disorder

 

http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/generalized-anxiety-disorder#1

 

It was only in the last 20 years or so that I realised I've struggled with Anxiety all my life.  Often what expressed itself as clumsiness, social ineptitude or awkwardness etc., were really just the symptoms and manifestations of Anxiety. 

 

I first properly recognised it about 25+ years back.  One Sunday evening me and Mrs Col were in the middle of the usual battle with our young daughters.  Getting them organised for school. Washing and drying their long hair etc.  At one point my oldest, who was already diagnosed Asthmatic, coughed as I was drying her hair.  She coughed just once.. but in an instant my mind took over and I had mental images of her in an ambulance on the way to hospital with a terminal Asthma attack.  I knew this was ridiculous but I couldn't shake the idea. I had to leave her to dry her own hair and I went down to the lounge.  I was rocking back and forth on the couch, wringing my hands and totally unable to 'come down'.  I wandered about the house for a bit then went to the pub.  I bought a pint but couldn't drink it.  I recall thinking to myself that something must be very wrong if I couldn't sink a pint....

Next morning I presented myself to the Doc and before I could say much was reduced to tears. Fortunately, he understood.  He gave me Valium and referred me to the hospital.

 

Next, I spent months on antidepressants. ( Not to be confused with tranquillisers)  I hated the things and came off them.  I doubt they helped much.

I went to Anxiety Management classes.  Very useful for learning to recogise the physical causes and manifestations of anxiety, and how to 'actively' relax.

But useful as all that was. and I still use those techniques..I was still struggling with my thoughts.  A friend mentioned a local NHS based therapist and I 'self referred'.  This was the first place I encountered 'Cognitive Behavioural Therapy' ( CBT )  CBT, in simple terms, gets you to examine your own thought processes and try to base them in reality, evidence etc.. rather than wild imaginings and irrational fears.  It works.  It takes practice.. but it works.

 

All was well for a year or so until one day I went to London on the train.. for a Unison meeting.  I don't recall the meeting.  All I wanted to do was get out.

I grabbed the first train back and spent the whole journey back to Wigan feeling the most 'Godawful' dread imaginable.  Someone had clearly inserted a steel rod in my neck because it was so tense and stiff I was convinced I was also developing Meningitis.

Long story short.. I went to the local A&E and could only get out the word 'Panic' to the receptionist. Another tearful episode with a Doc as I explained I'd done all the therapies but I still couldn't always 'hack it' and my Doc wouldn't give me any Valium.  Hospital Doc gave me some and told me to go back to my own Doc next morning and DEMAND the stuff.

 

Again.. a period of relative OK. ..ness.  I always keep a supply of Valium now, but I honestly only use very small amounts..  like a quarter of a 5Mg tablet when I really can't hack it otherwise.  I can go for months without any at all and rarely use more than 1.25 mg at a time. But it's a safety net I'd rather not be without.

 

It all went 'pear shaped' again a few years ago. In a period of a few months, my Sister died, my wife's cousin died.  Then my Son in Law's brother died in what amounted to a suicide, shortly after followed by the suicide of a good friend's Son and finally one of my daughter's school friends, whom we all loved to bits. ..hung himself.  Meanwhile my youngest was really struggling with relationships and her own mental health. 

 

So.. mental associations kicked in.  In my mind she was just as vulnerable. I became obsessed with making sure she was OK.  She lived in an anonymous complex of flats in Manchester and could quite literally have been dead for days without anyone knowing.. so I almost demanded that she contacted me daily. I wasn't snooping.  I didn't care what she was doing so long as she was alive. Add to this that she was starting to travel the World on business and I was constantly panicking.. Bangladesh, Turkey etc., are hardly the safest places for a lone female.  I walked a bit of a tightrope between being a concerned and interested parent.. and a stalker.

 

So.  It was back to the therapy for a 'refresher'.  A little over twelve months ago I recall saying to my therapist.. "Why does she ( my daughter) put me through this?" only to immediately realise that it was not her, but me.. who was 'putting me through this'.

 

I always worry when she is away.. which is quite a lot.  But it's manageable.   But of course on Tuesday she is going to Seoul for a few days.. then Hong Kong.  Except that Seoul is just south of North Korea which is currently winding up Trump and Vice Versa. Add in some former US Secretary of State or summat stating that Kim Jong Un can threaten 20 million peope in Seoul with nuclear anihilation and it gets a bit scary again.

So yesterday I had totally irrational mental images of my daughter running for shelter in Seoul as Kim Jong Un launched his beloved missiles...

 

Today.. I've had a word with myself.  I've looked at the evidence and I'm a lot more steady.  But I doubt I'll ever be able to do more than just control this anxiety.

 

I think what Fly alluded to was the famous 'Serenity Prayer'.

 

This is the version I know.  I think it works equally well with or without the religious overtones.

 

'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom to know the difference.'

 

It's a very useful set of principles.. but sometimes you need more.  You need a way to really analyse your thoughts and fears, to look for what real evidence there is for your fears, and to look for alternative ways of interpreting the 'facts' as you see them.

 

Sounds easy.

 

It isn't.. but it is do able.

 

Col

 
 
 
 
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Col, I am sure your post will touch a lot of people as it has with me. Anxiety can rule your life and the way you live it. I wont pretend I understand it in the way you probably do with the years of the stress it has caused you, but I will say that it also runs through my family as well, and you are right when you say anxiety is more of a danger to the sufferer.

 

I will also open up to being a sufferer as was my lovely dad and both my children. I think it must be in the genes. It took a lot of years also for me to realise that I had anxiety, which has probably accelerated my AF and played part in my heart problems as well.Thank you for being so honest and sharing this with us. I think that anxiety because of the way it messes with your thoughts, can lead to depression.

 

I also think that the words 'Pull yourself out of it' or 'Stop thinking so deeply into things' are totally wasted on people who suffer anxiety or depression or both. They are the type of illnesses that those kind of expressions can make the sufferer feel even worse, and they generally come from the fortunate people who do not suffer from these illnesses them selves, so have no understanding. 

 

The prayer of Serenity hung on the wall of the hospice that I worked in until retirement. I saw it every day for thirteen years and learnt the words of by heart. I loved that prayer, it made me feel good and I realised that you didn't have to be religious to follow its advice. It does come into my mind at times even now, but I am not always strong enough to be able to follow the advice given.

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