Recommended Posts

Which pub were you all in? Hope you didn't go over the limit and kept your distance without swaying or staggering.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As chief toter and guffer I note the orrible arse ministers demand for delivery of his stools in envelpoes and hereby tender my humble resignation. I wish to spend more time my family and possibly heed the mister fer educashuns recommendantion  on auntypodeun wine and join the Minster fo internashnul 'fairs in gettin all tired n emotinul an all. yer my bes frends you are...

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, philmayfield said:

Closing pubs completely would push people into drinking at home. It’s a lot cheaper after all. They would probably consume more alcohol and behave even less sensibly.

 

No I don't!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Brew said:

I've edited the political diatribe to get at the  gist of your post Col (pleased the back is getting better by the way), and it seems you're being critical of the actions presently in force.

 

Re: my 'political diatribe'.  I prefer to see it as valid observation. I'm not the only one critical of Govt's cavalier channelling of OUR money and OUR future debt into private, frequently incompetent and frequently less than accountable 'outsourcing' companies. This is a known tactic of Tory Govt's since Thatcher and the fact that it is 'within the rules' is no excuse.especially when it is Govt. which makes those rules. Emergency situations are no excuse for Govts to behave dishonestly. I'm sure you would not condone dishonest behaviour by anyone else just because things are a bit urgent.

 

10 hours ago, Brew said:

Partial lockdowns and porous borders are I agree not particularly effective but there can only be two alternatives.

1. Total lockdown and close the borders or 2. abandon any attempt at containing the spread.

One has huge, possibly ruinous economic consequences, the second may result in a huge rise in premature deaths. It's not a question with a correct answer.

 

But I've seen numerous  qualified people arguing for a short 'circuit breaker' lockdown. It doesn't have to go on for months. The known incubation for the disease is a couple of weeks max and it takes the poor sods who die a couple of weeks longer to succumb. So.. somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks. but TOTAL.. followed by much more stringent controls on borders, international travel etc.  I'm sick to death of hearing people moaning about their bloody holidays. People have died.. in large numbers.

 

10 hours ago, Brew said:

10pm closing for pubs? I see no sensible reason for them to be open at all, it's common knowledge what effect alcohol can have on sensible behaviour.

 

Confuse messages, can't argue against that.

 

Agree.  On both.

 

10 hours ago, Brew said:

U Turns. If they did not change and adapt to the situation as they think necessary then the gov would be open to criticism for being rigid and dogmatic by the opposition, again a no win situation.

 

I think you are reaching for excuses here.  This Govt is..by any measure.. a shambles. Many of it's own MPs are well aware of that. The cabinet is composed mostly of formerly failed ministers who didn't have the integrity to oppose Johnson. OK..I won't take that further outside the Politics thread. But.. basically, you see them as 'adapting to changing situations'.  I see them as 'firefighting'.

 

10 hours ago, Brew said:

If we can't think of an answer why should we expect Johnson to? There would be uproar if he went out on a limb and not seek qualified advice - and there's the nub of the problem.

I'm not sure if the 'experts' that are creeping out of the woodwork are saying what the media wants them to say and gain their 15 minutes or if they believe what they say. There are so many variations of expert opinion it's like pick 'n' mix, we choose whichever opinion most closely allies  our own point of view.

 

 

I don't expect anything from Johnson. He's a crook, a liar, a bully, and incompetent.  That much is beyond dispute.

Why do you describe experts as 'creeping out of the woodwork'? That is very loaded language.

 

I think Margie really has understood what I was reaching for and has come up with the germ of a plan. All that is needed is a 'Minister of Separation'.to keep us 'Owds' and other vulnerable groups well apart from the divvies and dumbos who just want to carry on as if nothing is amiss. Got to be far cheaper than paying the national wage bill for zero productivity.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are many critical of the present situation, it’s not only you and if there are any dishonest dealings they would I’m sure come down on it hard.

 As for future debt, the furlough payments will dwarf any payments to ‘outsources’

 

‘But I've seen numerous qualified people arguing for a short 'circuit breaker' lockdown’,

 

And so have we all but as I observed previously there are many differing opinions expressed, take your pick.


‘I think you are reaching for excuses here’…

 

I prefer to think of it as a valid observation sans vitriol.  In a dynamic situation you can’t remain static. Firefighting, adapting…there’s no difference, it’s two sides of the same coin.

 

Why do you describe experts as 'creeping out of the woodwork'? That is very loaded language.

 

It is loaded language but I’m partly of the view that the press etc. are ‘fishing' to find experts who are prepared to go against conventional wisdom and give them a controversial headline. They are generally unknown, well paid for s few minutes interview and get to see their pictures in the national papers or on TV. The fact there must be some who agree and support the govt actions gains no traction in the media at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Brew is dead right on me failing on eligibility. I took full French citizenship early last year.

 

However, there is one aspect in the scent areawhere I might become useful ( as a foreign consultant) and that is that I was commissioned a number of years ago to create a faecal odour concentrate for use in research into products acting as "bathroom deodorants". This work initially involved extracting the odourous components from the genuine article, analysing them and then blending into a product called "Bathroom Odour". It was for research purposes only, obviously, but it was marketed to manufacturers of air fresheners for use in their development work.

 

As an addendum to the above, I was one of the team that discovered the true odourous component of tom cat urine and its subsequent total synthesis.

 

It's not all pretty smells in my old game, you know.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like the new look Nonna. Don't think you'll pass for a highwayman. ;)

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, jonab said:

Brew is dead right on me failing on eligibility. I took full French citizenship early last year.

 

However, there is one aspect in the scent areawhere I might become useful ( as a foreign consultant) and that is that I was commissioned a number of years ago to create a faecal odour concentrate for use in research into products acting as "bathroom deodorants". This work initially involved extracting the odourous components from the genuine article, analysing them and then blending into a product called "Bathroom Odour". It was for research purposes only, obviously, but it was marketed to manufacturers of air fresheners for use in their development work.

 

As an addendum to the above, I was one of the team that discovered the true odourous component of tom cat urine and its subsequent total synthesis.

 

It's not all pretty smells in my old game, you know.

 

By 'eck, things you learn on 'ere...

 

Therefore we gratefully acknowledge the esteemed gentleman’s offer. Due to his work of international renown and the  rather convenient geographical distance between us, we duly appoint him to the office of POPE (Principle Official Pong Expert), with immediate effect.

We also grant a mandate to find a solution to the pong from all the BS  emanating from govt front benches. It is a matter of some urgency that we clear the air...

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My sentiments entirely Pianoman. A little bit of brevity goes a long way to ease tensions in these trying times.

Now, what can we put you down for, maybe Minister of Musical interludes perhaps? :rolleyes:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BK You just beat me to it! 
I was going to say that Malcolm seems to have been overlooked in the appointment of Ministers.  
Malcolm, where do you think your talents might lie?   Have we got a Minister for Music?   I think TG has already grabbed the post for Transport.  On a positive note (you’d be able to claim all your expenses for the eateries you visit on your travels!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He's gonna have a job on Margie, if he's got to push a bloody piana  round.!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, philmayfield said:

If Jonab’s the Pope can I be the Archbishop of Canterbury?

 

See? I knew you'd be trouble... some people.... mutter mutter. mutter mutter,...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

After some considerable and entirely imaginary consultation with the Home Secretary it is my great pleasure to announce TP is to be exalted to Master of the (Pianola) Rolls. Sadly an uncomfortable position as the minster for art has taken the  stool home, says it's his, and won't bring it back.

 

And on a point of order Mr Speaker. Can the right horrible Minister for Art withdrawn his entirety unwarranted and scurrilous accusation that the decision regarding the expenditure of at least one Tesco token over the course of the next financial quarter, is a matter for brevity?

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As Minister for Ag and fisheries I will need to make some urgent decisions. First - place an order for gun boats to patrol the Channel. Can't stand poachers. My mate in the Chinese ship yards will do ME a good deal.

Second - with the decline in catches of Atlantic Salmon I really do need hands on info and have contrived to get the best beat on the Spey for a fortnights trial. My phone will be switched off during this urgent and essential research. As for agriculture; I will appoint one of my aids to look after my garden while away doing research and while having meetings at my club with my good friend who is overseeing the gunboat project.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Protocol demands you seek permission from the minster for International Trade before you can enter into negotiations with a foreign power for a gunboat. Your friend Will Dome is not a name known to us and does not appear to be on the list of preferred suppliers. You should note we are, post Brexit, entering into a trade deal with North Korea and our contact there is Sum Ting Wong

 

The minister for International Trade should not be approached before 10am as she will be in bed recovering from last nights negotiations with the Château Pichon Longueville Comtesse de Lalande. She will no doubt be in further negoatiations again later in the day so an appointment is neccessary

 

We commend your dedication and wish you success with the research.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Minister of Art does indeed offer his sincere apologies to the Speaker. However, the stool is as stated, his personal possesion but can assure the house that he has, without any grace or favour, approached the IKEA manufacturers to obtain a further supply of reliable stools, assuming that this would be in agreement with the house. No purchase will be made without a full comprehensive examination of said stools.

Your servant sir.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A sobering thought after this frivolity ( which I enjoyed). I've just watched an afternoon mainly news programme and it was about concern for U.K. and France. The giornalist in UK was saying that it was useless having public places close at ten as when everyone had to go home they were all leaving at the same time and catching public transport to get home. This was in London. Very few people with masks, in France everyone who passed had a mask on. 

What are Brits playing at.?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been bangng on about it for awhile now nonna, opening pubs was a mistake. Drinkers of ALL ages make more mistakes after alcohol consumption, even those who 'know my limit don I'.

The younger element are prone to mass stupidity, adding alcohol to the mix is not the brightest idea I've heard latley.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Malcolm has been overlooked, I would like to nominate him as keeper of the (piano) keys.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PP Gun boats!  Gun boats?  I don’t like the sound of that!   I think the Minister for Defence needs to be consulted on this matter- I don’t think the Tesco vouchers are going to cover that.  It’ll mean higher taxes (or we could just hire taxis?... sorry, don’t know where I’m going with this.  Think I’ll go for a lie down.... no no, I don’t mean  a lie down - we ministers NEVER lie!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Brew said:

After some considerable and entirely imaginary consultation with the Home Secretary it is my great pleasure to announce The Pianoman is to be exalted to Master of the (Pianola) Rolls.

Sadly an uncomfortable position as the minster for art has taken the  stool home, says it's his, and won't bring it back.

 

I refer my right orrible friend the speaker to the recent appointment as above...

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, MargieH said:

PP Gun boats!  Gun boats?  I don’t like the sound of that!   I think the Minister for Defence needs to be consulted on this matter- I don’t think the Tesco vouchers are going to cover that.  It’ll mean higher taxes (or we could just hire taxis?... sorry, don’t know where I’m going with this.  Think I’ll go for a lie down.... no no, I don’t mean  a lie down - we ministers NEVER lie!

 

It would remiss of me not to point out to the Home Secretary that hiring taxis is of little use if she doesn't know where she is going. I would further point out that hearing 'gun boats gun boats' is the worst case of tinnitus ever, no wonder the honourable lady doesn’t like it.

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...