Graveyards and cemeteries

[MargieH 7,599]

Here's a photo of the lovely old graveyard in our village...

[philmayfield 6,115]

It's good to let the wildflowers grow in churchyards. Some of the church elders can get overzealous in wanting to keep things tidy. We have a few acres of meadow where we encourage wild flowers.

[Beekay 5,134]

Where my eldest son is buried, (Ticehurst) in the oldest part of the churchyard graves, they keep a herd of Jacob sheep to help keep the grasses down. The trustees never have to go in with mowers or strimmers etc. The church goes back to the 14th century. It's amazing reading some of the old gravestones.

[Brew 5,409]

I like to see a nice neat churchyard, a place that shows someone cares and has a bit of respect. Overgrown graves always seems so neglected as though they are an embarrassment somehow.

[LizzieM 9,507]

Although Margie’s local graveyard looks a haven for wildlife I do have to agree with Brew.  Where my Dad is buried, in the oldest part of Wilford Hill Cemetery, the area is not in good shape,  a lot of the graves have sunk and headstones are at a dangerous angle, just a good job the council mows around occasionally otherwise it would be an ideal place to break an ankle, or worse. 
Incidentally, we’ve got an area of lawn that hasn’t been mown all season, there are no wild flowers growing there but the little birds are finding plenty of insects to feed their babies.  

[philmayfield 6,115]

Churchyards are one of the last bastions for wildflowers but they do need a chance to flourish. Some people have an obsession with tidiness which prevents others from enjoying the natural beauty. Our meadow is a haven for wildlife at the moment but it does have to be managed to prevent it becoming a matted mess next year. In the summer it will be made into hay which will provide winter feed for a herd of Lincoln Reds. Very good quality meat!

[carni 10,094]

Visiting Wilford Hill last year,  as I do 2/3 times a year, I realised I was walking up the wrong row of graves, so carefully and respectfully I went to move through the graves to the correct row. The grass was above ankle deep and quite wet.

 

As i walked around the one grave, the earth gave way and my foot dropped into emptiness up to my ankle. The grass was the only thing that was stopping subsidence, and I had the experience of discovering that. I don't feel comfortable in graveyards, and this experience strengthened this feeling. but while I'm still on this earth, I will always take flowers to the people I love. 

 

Husband and I have our funerals all paid for and no graves involved, somewhere in a hedge away from public, in the countryside, along our beloved tow paths is where we will be pushing up daisies. Our off springs know our routes so they can chose where. Everyone is happy with this arrangement.

Just thought to add, cremations will be the way out. 

[nonnaB 4,895]

Old graveyards are beautiful to look at but by not cutting grass it makes the overgrown look untidy. They need to be tidied not shorn. I have quite a few photos of ancestors graves in left to their own devices and they look peaceful. Our cemetery here is a mix of Locoli and gravestones. I hate these little hutches all lined up like a block of flats. Those that have loved ones in them have to climb up a ladder to put flowers in the vases. Fortunately my parents in law are in graves , the land was given to bury Evangelists and my inlaws changed their religion after a grandchild was killed in a car accident. They changed as did their son because he found no comfort in the Catholic Church. A dear friend of his belonged to the Evangelists and invited my bil to attend their services. The whole family in France have changed religion. 

[philmayfield 6,115]

I agree that a certain amount of tidiness is required around the graves. The problem is that, in my experience, the overzealous tidiers want to hack everything down, even in the margins of the churchyard where the wild flowers flourish. The councils are just as bad, cutting back verges way beyond the need for road safety purposes. All grassland needs to be managed but there is a season to do that and Spring is not the time. Let’s enjoy the wild flowers whilst we can. To many wild flowers seem to be considered as just weeds. We even have wild orchids growing in our meadow. 

[Cliff Ton 10,458]

I agree that wild flowers should be encouraged, and that over-clipped cemeteries look too manicured, but there's a problem with a graveyard like the one in Margie's photo.

 

Doing family history a few years ago I had a lot of experience of wandering around graveyards and falling down hidden holes like Alice in Wonderland.

 

If you're looking for a specific grave and you've never been there before, you'll struggle to find it. Poking around trying to read old gravestones isn't easy when they are visible, but if they're overgrown by greenery it will be much more difficult to locate.

 

If it's all become hidden and buried, it seems a bit pointless having the grave and stone and message in the first place.

 

 

[carni 10,094]

Just returned home from our daily excercise by the canals. Must say it was blowing a gale. Hubby reckons it was the strongest wind he has cycled against since he was a teenager cycling his way to college.  I feel quite proud to say It didn't beat me into walking. Very Autumnal though!!!!

 

This year the tow paths are overrun with 'Cow Parsley'. It certainly looks so pretty, as far as you can see along our stretch of  the Staffs and Worc canal, the banks are pure white both sides. I have never seen it like this before, I wonder if it is anything to do with lack of pollution (due to so much lockdown)?

 

Being a village born gel, I grew up walking and playing in the local fields, especially Gedling Woods, and I just love the wild flowers and trees, but though I know a little about some flowers I know  nothing about most?

 

Question......I have heard that the poisonous Hemlock looks very similar to Cow Parsley, so does it also grow in England, and if so, how would I know which one is which. I know I could eat some to find out......but not a good idea  me thinks.

[philmayfield 6,115]

It grows in exactly the very places you have been. Without going into precise botanical details it’s best identified by the unpleasant ‘mousey’ smell of the leaves. That usually keeps people and animals away.

In reply to Cliff Ton, I too have done lots of grave explorations in the wilds of Derbyshire and Lincolnshire looking for long lost relatives and experienced the delight when I’ve actually had a result. I’ve always confined my explorations to the winter months when it’s much easier to get around.

[carni 10,094]

OK Thank you for the information.

[Brew 5,409]

I think most of us would be quite upset if the war graves commission allowed their cemeteries to look like Margies graveyard even if it would be good for Butterflies...

[MargieH 7,599]

Brew, I suppose there is a difference between formal and informal (for want of a better word) graveyards.

The huge American cemetary at Madingley, near Cambridge is pristine, the memorials are very white and  in perfect straight lines.    I visited once just because I was told it was impressive, which it is in a way,  but for me, I just love the natural ancient churchyards where the sometimes wonky gravestones are quite randomly placed and the grass and flowers grow freely with  minimal attention each year.

i suppose I just like wild flowers and those grown in country gardens .... much prefer them to formal beds and borders of brightly coloured annuals.   

Again, it's 'each to their own' I think.

[philmayfield 6,115]

There’s a world of difference between formal war graves and country churchyards. Churchyards, by their walled layouts are protected havens for wildlife. Whilst they should be kept relatively tidy around the graves there are lots of places where wildflowers can flourish and where animals and insects can take refuge. We are privileged to be the owners of a meadow which is home to rabbits and pheasants, dragonflies and a whole range of wildflowers. It is sad to have to cut it down at haymaking time but it’s necessary to manage it to prevent it from being badly overgrown and it does provide a stimulus for the following years growth.
Every other year, when the village holds its ‘open gardens’, we open the meadow where it attracts a lot of very knowledgeable wildflower enthusiasts. A proper traditional meadow, amongst intensive agriculture, is a bit of a rarity in these parts.

[carni 10,094]

We have a German Cemetery on Cannock Chase and it is kept immaculately neat and clean.  All in perfect rows of white stones with inscriptions. I imagine when family come to England to visit the resting place of their loved ones, they can go home knowing they have been buried with respect and care. Thankfully not in run down unloved graves. It doesn't matter to me whether a graveyard is neglected or immaculate, they all give me the creeps. As a teenager, I hated walking up Arnold Lane past the Churchyard, and when I go now to Gedling Cemetery to visit the family Grave, I still get the same feeling walking up knowing I'm surrounded by many bones just a few feet away from me.

 

Many of my ancestors are in Carlton Cemetery and during my search for my family tree I contacted the office at the Cemetery. I was given the location for the plots of my Gt and Gt Gt g/parents but they couldn't be direct as the graves were hidden under years of neglect. The area was in a shameful state, pots, broken headstones, broken graves. Very sad really.

[Jill Sparrow 10,304]

I love churchyards and cemeteries. They are not only quiet, meditative places but are also a wonderful source of information, architectural styles and history in general.  The fact that human remains are interred beneath the surface doesn't perturb me in the least.  It's the living who cause harm!  

[Beekay 5,134]

Margie doesn't tend the graveyard, she only took the picture and posted it.

On the subject of graves, I personally don't get any comfort when visiting my son's grave, I just grieve for our loss. Our youngest lad had his ashes spread around a Flowering Cherry tree, up at Bulwell cemetery. All we have of his was his name in the book of rememberence that I understand is no longer kept there.

[Brew 5,409]

49 minutes ago, philmayfield said:

There’s a world of difference between formal war graves and country churchyards. Churchyards, by their walled layouts are protected havens for wildlife

 

 Churchyards are not designed or designated havens for wild flora and fauna, that is not their purpose. There is no difference between the grave of a soldier fallen in battle or the grave of a loved one laid to rest. They should all command care and respect for what they represent.

[Jill Sparrow 10,304]

My parents don't have graves and even if they did, I wouldn't be visiting with flowers. Fresh flowers are put in a vase next to their photographs and I natter away to my mum and dad as I always did. Nothing has changed.

[MargieH 7,599]

 

BK -  the memories of your boys  will always be there in your heart and mind.   No-one can take those away.  The ashes of my parents are scattered somewhere in the gardens at Cambridge Crematorium.  I've no idea if there's a precise location but that doesn't matter to me at all.  They were very good parents to me, loving and inspirational (especially my mum) and I was privileged to care for them at our house until they died there..   of course, I miss them deeply but memories of them are in me and are still very real.

I expect this will shock many of you but I can't even remember the date that each of them died (although I do remember the year) so I don't have an Anniversary of their death each year.   I don't think a day goes by without having some lovely memory of them, though....

 

 

[philmayfield 6,115]

I accept Brew's comment that churchyards were not originally designated as nature reserves but as so few people now follow a religious faith there are fewer people to maintain them. The fact that they are becoming wildlife sanctuaries is a positive outcome in this secular society. It's one of the few places were wildlife is largely undisturbed in the villages and even the non Christian's can enjoy the tranquility. 

 

 

 

 

 

[carni 10,094]

I could no more sit in a cemetery for one moment and enjoy the peace and quiet. I don't find anything relaxing in sitting among graves, seeing the names and ages of the people who have passed on can  be quite sad, especially if i knew the person. We all have our own outlook on Cemeteries, and we are entitled to them, even if they are different to our own thoughts. I have respect for what ever peoples thoughts on the subject are and whether it's different or the same as mine. That is OK.

[Jill Sparrow 10,304]

I sometimes had to visit Long Eaton in connection with work. At the bottom of Limes Terrace, there is a beautifully kept cemetery with wonderful trees. Magnificent in autumn, winter, spring and summer. I would walk in there at lunchtime. Sit and watch the wildlife, 20 minutes' meditation, read some of the stones and wonder about the lives of those named: all individuals with a story to tell.  Then I'd go back to the next meeting, relaxed, calm and refreshed.  Much better than going to the pub or shopping!