Earthquake hits St. Ann`s

[Stan 386]

Associated Press (AP) 5th December 2006, 01:32 (Nottingham,England.)

Earthquake Rocks St. Ann`s

A major earthquake measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale has hit

England in the early hours of this morning, with the epicentre believed to be

in the Northern Nottingham suburb ofSt. Ann`s. Victims were seen wandering

around aimlessly uttering, "F'kin ell" and "Whadda carnt".

The earthquake has completely decimated the area, leaving a damage

bill expected to exceed more than $3000. Several priceless collections,

including mementos from the Torana Appreciation Society and the

St. Ann`s Juvenile Hall, were destroyed in the quake. Three areas of

historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well

before their welfare cheques arrived.

Nottingham radio reported that hundreds of residents were confused and

bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something

interesting had happened in the area. One resident - Tracy Sharon

Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little

Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest

two, Tyler-Morgan and Levi-Storm slept through it all. I was still

shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer later in the morning".

The people of St. Ann`s are a resilient community and evidence of a full recovery can already been seen, with looting,drug pushing, muggings and car crime carrying on as normal.

The aid response from local charities has been swift. The Red Cross

has so far managed to ship 4,000 cases each of Bundy & Coke and PJ Durries

to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still

searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of

personal belongings, which include Centrelink booklets, Forest footy

jumpers, Acca Dacca cassettes, Ford HSV bedding covers, Priceline

jewellery and fine bone china from Bi-Lo.

The Red Cross seeks to raise money for food and clothing, to be

air-dropped as parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this

disaster.

Donations of clothing are in demand. Items most needed include

baseball caps; tracksuit tops (his and hers); flannelette shirts (female);

footy socks; ugg boots; and any other items usually sold in "Op"

Shops.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include doner kebabs, McDonalds, KFC, ice cream

and cans of UDL Bourbon and Coke; Passion Pop and harvest pale

Charities are also accepting cash donations through any Liquorland

outlet. $0.25 buys a ball point pen for filling in compensation

forms; $5.00 buys chips, sausages, gherkins, crisps and blue fizzy drinks

for a family of nine; $10.00 will buy a packet of Woodbines25s and

a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Aid agencies have requested that no tents be sent into the affected

suburb, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of

the neighbouring areas.

[Qfive 1]

<cynic mode on>

Now let’s view the scenario of what could happen, if such a catastrophe did occur here in the UK.

First off. The Health and Safety would be informed to assess the situation, to see who’s at fault, and where, if any, the blame lies. This has to take priority over everything else.

Two days later Mr Blair would have to be informed, at his holiday retreat somewhere exotic, which can not be named for security reasons. But he does give a television press conference for two hours, and assures the people of the ravaged earth quake area, that as soon as his holiday is over in ten days time, he will take personal charge of the situation.

Meanwhile a makeshift compound is being erected for the press entourage to give a minute by minute account of the sheer devastation of the area. Emergency services will be held back, so that the news crews can get their best close-ups of the sheer carnage, and destruction. It’s important for the reporters to trawl through the wreckage and speak to the survivors, and ask them how they feel, about losing some of their friends, and family, and what their plans are for the future, now that they have no food, water, or shelter.

Three days later, The Health and Safety Executive insists that before the emergency services can enter the disaster zone, the whole area needs to be taped off, to prevent looters from getting hurt on any jagged edges, or other objects, that may be detrimental to their health.

Five days later, Mr Blair holds another press conference to assure the British public that everything that needs to be done, is being done. When asked by reporters, 'should he not cut short his holiday’ , Mr Blair replied. No, Cherie would hit the roof!

Ten days later, Mr Prescot holds a press conference. He announces that due to the severe housing shortage in the UK, all the fit, and able bodied survivors of this terrible event, will be re-housed at very short notice, in Albania.

<cynic mode off>

[pemberton 15]

Eh - this is maybe not as funny as it is meant to be because I detect about 99% truth rate in both the above statements - What a bloody country we live in when the chronically sick cannot get benefits, but those who have only been in this ONCE great country of ours for a short time and have contributed absolutely zilch, get EVERYTHING!!!!

Thank god I'm reaching the end of my four score years and ten.

[Ayupmeducks 1,730]

Not really as outragious as one would think. The UK is pretty seismically active.

When I was a young 'un, I recall a large tremor in St Anns, the old St Anns that is. All the windows were rattling and folks were a little nervous too.

Having lived in areas of the world where larger quakes occur, believe me they are scary!

I was in Sacramento when the Loma Prieta earthquake hit the Bay area in 1989 at around 5-00pm, we felt it that far away. Then when we lived in the Sierra Foothills, we had one that shook the whole house big time, five minutes later it hit Sacramento, I had the live news on at the time. Surprised it took 5 minutes to reach them at the time.

[Craig Strongman 13]

When I was a young 'un, I recall a large tremor in St Anns, the old St Anns that is. All the windows were rattling and folks were a little nervous too.

You sure it wasnt a "sound system" kickin out the bass and rattlin windows?

[Ayupmeducks 1,730]

The only sound system we had back in those days Craig, was a steam radio!

[Qfive 1]

Yes you are right ayup..would have been very difficult carrying a radiogram on your shoulder.

I would like to see this fella carry one.

[mick2me 3,033]

Yes you are right ayup..would have been very difficult carrying a radiogram on your shoulder.

I would like to see this fella carry one.

Especially as in those days the top Seller was the 'Rigonda Bolshoi' Woolworths £29 - 19/6d

A huge item with two large seperate speakers.

Whilst searching for image of same, I found messen!

Or one of my early postings in another forum...

Feb 7 2004, 11:11 PM

If there was one point that sold me on the Picasso, it was the air conditioned glovebox. Great in the summer for sarnies and cool cans.

However, I retrieved a CD from the aformentioned compartment today.

to find it cooking!

Its a good job we moved on from Long Playing records, would have made a right mess of my music collection. There would be nothing left to play in the in-car-gramophone.

Come to think of it, I could just about squeeze the Rigonda Bolshoi + supplied

loudspeakers into the back of my Pic.

Fortunately there is a shut off control in the glove compartment.

Oh well RTFM!

[alisoncc 379]

I don't reckon the "Rigonda Bolshoi" would have been half as good as my crystal set which used the steel frame of my bed as an aerial. I could listen to Radio Luxemburg all night.

Hugs Alison

[Qfive 1]

Good old Radio luxemburg!

With Jack Jackson (Top DJ of that Era)

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