Stan 386 Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My thanks to all those who have sent me e-mails this past year. I especially send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will soon change once I receive the $25,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7M with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died interstate once he gets out of the country. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me including the famous money angel (who seems to be running very late delivering my surprise) and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learnt that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains, puncture holes through steel and dissolve motor engines overnight. I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Sierra Leone and Uzbekistan. Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites me in the arse. And, thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Now, If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large bird with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5.16pm tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with a low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. No, don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Beefsteak 305 Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 You didn'y catch me out Stan , I was controlling my mouse with my teeth ........... !bravo! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.