My Holiday Disapointment

[Bip 88]

Why on earth do we go on holiday? !tanning!

Is it so we can relax sufficiently to recharge what is left of the batteries we once had, or is it just to get a suntan so as to point out to others on our return one has been to exotic climes and they haven’t?

The latter was true fifteen to twenty years ago but not now, all I want from a holiday these days is a comfortable place to rest ones body after a belly full of Cornish pasty and enough local brew to wash the odd crumb of flaky pastry which might have happen to get stuck on it’s way down to ones ever expanding stomach these days.

As you might have guessed from these mutterings I have been on holiday, have you missed me? Well if you haven’t I might take a longer break next year; I know Mick would appreciate that…lol.

I know what you are thinking, ostentatious twit, well that’s me.

The Cornish pasties were as I remembered them, after 37 years that’s one thing that hasn’t changed.

I more or less lived on them for most of the week and at £2-20 a throw was in my opinion well worth the outlay. Once in your stomach they expanded to fit, you could say “one size fits all, and they never left you feeling several hours later like a Chinese throw away would have done.

My first pint of Cornish beer was from the New inn just outside of Perrinport on the A---- something or other, don’t ask me to name the beer or the road the pub was on because I don’t keep a note pad in me head and me memory is unreliable to say the least.

It was a welcome thirst quencher after being stuck in traffic for over an hour, at least the jam was moving if only by the inch and guess what was coursing the jam, two lanes of traffic filtering into one.

Get through that and not five hundred yards on the other side there was another queue and basically that’s how it was for certain stretches of the A30. Leaving that aside for another day lets get back to the beer or should I say the lack of good beer.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not slagging Cornish beer in general just certain outlets.

I only went in one other pub while down their and that was, here we go again sorry don’t remember the name but it was animal friendly.

Diezel was welcome, which was more that could be said for their beach policy. I was told over a loud hailer to remove my dog from said beach, which in turn gave me the excuse I needed to go for a beer.

Leaving my son and his tribe to get sand between their toes I made my way to the beach side pub.

I sat outside and quaffed me purchase of two pints of Doombar bitter, well I think it was called that, I’m open to be corrected on that little point, and at £2-55 a pint was not a bad tasting bitter, not what I’m use to but hey ho I’m in Cornwall meduk.

I stayed with my son and his young family in a holiday park in a static caravan, for the expats and the yanks among us, a trailer park with running water and somewhere to empty ones slops bucket.

The place is called Monkey Tree, very nice, not big like Haven sites but still very nice for a weeks stay.

Like most of the Holiday sites down in Cornwall they cater more for the camper and mobile caravan owner who in my opinion has gone over the top with their little luxuries.

Talk about getting away from it all, I thought when you went away you left all your luxuries at home and made do with what you could carry about ones person but not these days it seems.

The more you can cram into ones car or caravan the better, not only do they fill the caravan or trailer to the point of bursting but now have the option of having a large aero dynamic suitcase bolted to the roof which by the size of some of them is big enough for three children or 2 adults of moderate size or even grandma if you can be bothered to tell her you are off on holiday.

I was amazed to see satellite dishes, flat screen plasma televisions and microwave ovens classed it seems these days as basic essentials and woe betide anyone who left any one of said items at home, it most be hell if any were left, how would one cope without.

Getting back to the point of these mutterings just for one moment, the beer, or should I say the lack of it.

One evening we paid a visit to couple who my daughter in-law knows who had come down to Cornwall just on speck who had booked into a camp site not five miles away.

The site was basically the same as ours but just a little bigger with better bar facilities also better entertainment for the kiddies.

They say first impressions are very important and when I saw on the bar that they sold Cornish Tribute Bitter I was impressed but sadly very quickly was brought back to reality by the state of the pint that I was expected to drink.

It took several minutes to pump a pint, the young girl who was serving me made some apologies for the lack of beer coming through the pump and when eventually she did place the pint glass in front of me it was hard to see whether I had ordered a pint of beer or a pint of foam.

As she fulfilled the rest of my order the foam in the pint glass in front of me settled to reveal a cloudy liquid, mentioning this to the young girl she replied ‘isn’t that how it suppose to be?

Holding back my wittiest comment for the sake of her young years I said ‘no meduk, it isn’t scrumpy cider [Rattler]

She turned to whom I presumed was the bar manager, who in return said ‘ it’s a new barrel mate. New or not I replied I.m not drinking that buster!

On those words he told the young girl to take Tribute off for the night.

So that left me with a choice of John Smiths Bitter or Tetley’s Bitter, both were cream flows. I was delighted to be left with such a choice, not.

I should imagine there is some really nice locally brewed beers down in Cornwall but sadly I didn’t get the chance to sample many in fact it was only two in the end and those weren’t really worth writing home to.

Thank god I went to the Poacher last night to sample HP by the bucket full, it’s true what they say ‘it’s nice to go away but it’s even nicer to get back home.

So there you go, I’m back and it doesn’t get better than that.

Bip. !tanning!

[Beefsteak 305]

I was in Cornwall in April and remember posting about the local brew in the Camelford area (Dutchy I think) that was rather nice (and cheap) Didn't find any proper Cornish pasties to my disapointment only Ginsters (Tasteless mass produced garbage) but on the whole we enjoyed it cos the weather was brill hopefully we will be popping back down again in October...

[Bip 88]

Hello beefy, it seemed to me that every shop one passed there where pasties by the barrow load in the windows.

I found four varieties, which were, Stake & onion, Cheese & onion and traditional Cornish pasty, the traditional I found was the best type, it held together under the threat of being dropped while holding onto a glass of local brew better.

We took a ride to the Cornish Cyder Factory while down there and was pleasantly pleased to discover that entry was free but they stung you for a guided tour if you found you deeded to take one, we didn’t do the tour because the only place I wanted to be was where they gave you little tasters of the Cyder and apple wine. I shared a crate of Rattler cyder with my daughter in law needless to say the six bottles which was my half of the crate didn’t last long, gone in sixty seconds so to speak, potent stuff at 6%

Bip. !tanning!

[Frank 13]

Good to see you back BIP - sounds like you had a good time. It's nice to spend time with kinfolk every now and then.

We had a little trip up to Wales for the bank holiday and spent 2 nights under canvas, had a good look around the local sights, took the little train up Snowdon and - of course - sampled a few of the local offerings. Good job we keep a bucket in the tent

How come we missed you in the Poacher last night?? Got in there about 8.45 and left about 10 to go next door into the Fade Cafe for a couple of Erdinger Wheat Beers before catching the normal bus home. Found out that there is a later bus now (11.03) so we should be able to stay out a little longer now. .

Got a nice picture of the tent if you're interested !sleeping!

[mick2me 3,033]

Welcome back BiP.

I can't account fer the beer but I think you would have apprecited the 'all you care to eat' Garden Buffet at the South Point Casino Las Vegas.

The meal went something like this

Bowl of 'Italian wedding soup'?, (me favorite clam Chowder not being on that day.)

Fish Course Mahi mahi in sauce du jour (of the day) Peeled prawns, (and peel yer own prawns), Fresh cooked Crawfish, (Little bu99ers!) Mixed seafood, swordfish, some other fish, I never heard of, Fish balls and hushpuppies?

Then the meat course, Cut me some of those Ribs Boy! and a thick slice of beef, tukey slice too, pour favor, Southern fried chicken thank you very much, and perhaps just a medium steak, What are these, beef tips, yes please, Italian meatballs, Meat sauce....

I got a bollocking from SWMO for having plates full of meats

So when I went back for more, I had some mushies, Yum!

Just room now fer some pudding, Lemon Merangue Pie, and a slice of that stuff with strawberries on the top, dont forget the cream.

Better finish off with some ice cream (and hundreds and thousands).

Chocolate sauce, No thanks, whadya think I am, a pig or summat!

I think I got me $6.95 worth there... See you at breakfast...

I hear I missed out on some kind of celebration the night we left?

http://www.aphapaintvegas.com/

[Bip 88]

How come we missed you in the Poacher last night?? Got in there about 8.45 and left about 10 to go next door into the Fade Cafe for a couple of Erdinger Wheat Beers before catching the normal bus home. Found out that there is a later bus now (11.03) so we should be able to stay out a little longer now. .

Got a nice picture of the tent if you're interested !sleeping!

Got to make this short and sweet because I’m off around my daughters for some grub….

As you know Frank I very rarely go to the bar when I’m out with my mate and with him being a smoker we spend if weather is clement all night outside, Friday night was if my memory serves me right.

Mick how on earth do you keep your weight down? If I ate like that I would be the size Beefy is. Sorry Ian.

Caz says hi.....she's been away don't you know and is hoping to be on site in a couple of days.

Bip. !tanning! as you can see I'm still on holiday.

[Ayupmeducks 1,730]

Thats the problem in them places Mick, you can pig out fer nowt!

And Den, you should try my Cornish pasties!!! EE lad, they melt in yer mouth! I'm a wiz with beef pies too! Gravy so hot and delicious you come back for seconds!

[Bip 88]

I’ve become quite accustomed to the Cornish pasty John, those you make by the sound of them are very Moorish.

Would you kindly box several gross and ship them to me care of the Mansion House old Sawley Notts England to reach me by the fifth of November, that’s when all being well I should have finished me bathroom conversion.

On November the fifth [bonfire night] I am hoping to hold [weather permitting] a bit of a do [bungalow warming party] when is hoped I can legally burn all the rubbish that I have accumulated in the process of the adaptation of my bathroom from a retro sixties experience to a twenty third century pleasure.

There will be hot dogs by the dozen, ham and beef burgers by the gross and a never-ending stream of mushy peas and mint sauce.

All are welcome and that includes any expats who might be in the vicinity of Long Eaton.

The only stipulation I must insist on is that you bring your own tipple, alcohol only, after all I’m not made of money and no one is going to drink my home brew but ME.

PS, can I interest anyone in a nice Harvest Gold Bathroom suite, one careless owner, if not that too will be going on the fire.

If needed a photo can be provided.

Bip.

[mick2me 3,033]

'Ope its not fibreglass or we could return to the Smogs I remember on Arkwright street in the early 60's! The trolley buses were just two specs of light.

[radfordred 6,284]

Bonfires now your talking my language i could not tell you the things I've burnt down .

Count me in I'll get some of them dangerous Chinese fireworks we'll blow the street up that should make you popular with your new neighbours ?

I also have 4 x 15kg calor gas bottles ones got a bit of juice left in it , that should liven the old Guy Fawkes night up .

[Beefsteak 305]

Where you talaban in a previous incarnation Nick ???

[mick2me 3,033]

Thinking about it now, some of the stuff that went up in smoke

when I was a lad, would probably have bee woth summat now?

[Limey 242]

Was Guy Fawkes the last honest man to enter Parliament?

Enquiring minds want to know!

[Beefsteak 305]

He was the last man to enter parliament with honest intentions

Incedently there was a T.V. mock up a couple of years ago (Presented by Richard Hammond) They rebuilt the houses of parliament (as they would have looked in those days) filled the under side with the same amount of gunpowder as Guy Fawkes had and set up cameras every where inside and out and then blew it up. What a mess (if any polititians were watching it might have shook them into life, remember if Hammond can get 20 barrels of gunpowder we all can)

[Bip 88]

While we are on the subject of Guy Fawkes and bonfire night, I was out walking the dog the other day, you could say I was on a walk about Australian style because I hadn’t a clue where I was going when I heard an almighty bang. Looking across to where I thought the noise had come from I saw a large black cloud in the sky.

On hearing the bang and seeing the black cloud reminded me of something my daughter had said the other day while I was visiting her and eating her out of house and home. I had mentioned that I have been walking Diezel over by St Chads church in the village of Wilm. There is a nice walk around Chads lake which only takes you fifteen to twenty minutes to circumnavigate of which I have only discovered last week was there.

On mentioning that I had taken Diezel for a walk around said lake my daughter mentioned that there was a firework factory near there. I said I reckon it's still there by the loudness of the bang I heard.

I had taken a different path this time which took me over a foot bridge which spanned the river Derwent, across a very large grassed field to a hurdle which had a built in dog gate which, I found very convenient seeing Diezel was by this time wet through and smelling a bit like the bottom of a dyke on a hot summers day of which it was.

If that dog gate hadn’t been there I would have had to pick him up and carry him over said hurdle ether that or turn back of which I didn’t want to do, well, not just yet?

I got as far as Great Wilm Village before I decided to turn for home.

I had been walking for about an hour and a half and the road I was now on stretch for several hundred yards further, I had come off the dirt track a hundred yards back while entering the village of Great Wilm and by this time I could see that Diezel was getting tired and to be truthful I was too.

I took off my shoes while walking back over the grassy field but had to put them back on to the distain of my left foots toes which had by this time got use to the freedom and fresh air.

It was at least another half hour before I got to the car of which I had parked in Orchard Wood car park.

Diesel was pooped and so was I, it took him all his time to jump into the back of my Picasso, I had told him he would be doing it on his own this time, if he expected any help from me he had another thing coming.

I climbed intro the drivers seat looked at the temperature display on me dashboard which read 82f turned to Diezel and said ‘it’s been a hot un lad, on that remark he laid down and didn’t get up again until I opened the boot to let him out at me Bungalow.

He immediately on me opening my back door made his way to a shadowy area and fell fast asleep not wakening until he heard his dish being filled with his Tripe and dog mix biscuits an hour later. I too had a nod and only awoke by the noise my next door neighbours kids where making while jumping up and down on there ten foot trampoline,

Bless um.. !sleeping!

Bip.

[Caz 25]

And the moral of this story is.....................

[Beefsteak 305]

And the moral of this story is.....................

Beware of the British weather, it has this habit of sneaking up on you

[Bip 88]

And the moral of this story is.....................

There’s no moral Caz just a tale to bore the pants of everyone who reads it.

If you are looking for a moral I suppose it would be don’t go on long walks with ones dog without parking ones car a little nearer to ones intended destination.

That being the case one has less distance to walk back.

I intend on my next floury into the dark and dangerous wet lands of down town Sawley to carry suitable refreshment about my person therefore which is hoped will extending my walking capacity and enjoyment of such an adventure.

Laura Croft look out.

Bip.