Michael Booth 7,364 Posted May 9, 2016 Report Share Posted May 9, 2016 BBQ RULES:We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. (4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. Here comes the important part:(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. (6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery. (7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat Important again:(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. (9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. (10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes And most important of all:(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. (12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Oztalgian 3,296 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Michael, Pretty much a 100% accurate representation of what happens down under too. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfan 14,793 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 I disagree Michael. The woman should cook the food as well, after all it is "woman's work" ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nonnaB 4,895 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Why.? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfan 14,793 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Because women are better cooks ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nonnaB 4,895 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Flattery, flattery. But why do men insist on cooking on the bbq? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nonnaB 4,895 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Or is it that men don't know where all the utensils and crockery is? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FLY2 10,108 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 I hate bbq's , so there's NO chance of me doing anything. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Here in Eire- as sunshine is on ration due to the recession... we have 'indoor barbecues'. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FLY2 10,108 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Indoor cooking is far cleaner and quicker. I don't mind lighting the chiminea as its almost instant flames. I haven't the patience to prat about with the BBQ then waiting an hour till the bloody thing is just embers. Gas? No way! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rob.L 1,090 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 BBQ season? That will have been yesterday, then. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin1945 16,160 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 When I was a single parent I cooked every day............well opened a lot of cans and boiled the contents...........nowadays I could 'Ding' for England......lol. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DJ360 6,730 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Micheal. Excellent post ( #1). Couple of rules missing though... 1. Barbeque is not properly lit unless a chorus of coughing and the noise of many windows being hastily slammed shut can be heard from a radius of approx 1/4 mile. 2. Cooked meat products may only be served if they are either raw inside or reduced to ashes. 3 Meat products should be purchased in special 'Barbeque Packs'. These must be hastily assembled from surplus low quality meat products which have neen lying about at the back of some butcher's fridge waiting for a warm day. 4. Under no circumstances should meat products be consumed by persons who are not so thoroughly p!$$£d as to be oblivious to quality. Finally, an advisory note: If using a 'Ding' type cooking timer, be sure not to confuse this with the sound of a million sets of wind chimes clanging incessantly away in surrounding properties. Col. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfan 14,793 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 I could never see the point of barbeques when there is perfectly good cooker in the kitchen anyway ! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin1945 16,160 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Entirely agree catfan,...........especially when the bloke is wearing 3/4 length shorts and flip flops.................lol. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Booth 7,364 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 You can stand in your kitchen all the year round but when the sun is shining some people like to get outside with their family and friends and have some FUN. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfan 14,793 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Cook in the kitchen & leave the back door open ! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Booth 7,364 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 You don't leave your doors open in Bulwell. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Alfresco grub is great here....when there is sun!! I spend all year cutting and grooming this gaff- might as well enjoy it to the max. I microwave my meat first- ensuring a 'cooked thru' sausage or steak..my rum/sugar and cream filled bananas are legendary here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfan 14,793 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 You sound like "Mrs Bucket" Ian ! Michael. Barbeque in Bulwell & your burger will be nicked while you are cooking outside too ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Rob the milk out yer' tea would they Mick? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DJ360 6,730 Posted May 10, 2016 Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 You don't leave your doors open in Bulwell. They have Doors? ..In Bulwell?? Col 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Booth 7,364 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2016 Are you insinuating they're all kicked in, Col, haha. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Oztalgian 3,296 Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 A mate of mine reckons the snags aren't cooked until you can snap them. Oh ye of little faith, one of the great joys of life is a few beers on a sunny day followed by piece of eye fillet BBQ'd medium/rare washed down with a good shiraz with some of that healthy salad stuff, not too much though. Alas very little chance of that here over the last few days, so windy it would blow a dog off a chain. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FLY2 10,108 Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 Mmmmm , barbies don't sound too bad after all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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