philmayfield

Never mind the borders, what about Caithness?

He must have confused you with someone else!

You’d be mugged for the electric bike!

Polygamy. Two Mormon guys get of a plane at Birmingham airport. The woman in immigration says ‘who are all those women with you?’. They’re our wives Ma’am. ‘You’ve got more than one wife - you ought to be bloody well hung!’ she said. ‘We are ma’am, we sure are!’

Some of my best friends are homosexual. Well not exactly my best friends!

I’m irritated by just about everything. I’ve got to the age where I take pleasure in being irritated!

You should have seen the size of the guy who installed our washing machine on Sunday. He picked up the old old one like it was a rag doll and it had taken two of us and a crowbar to get it over the back step! When I say big I mean fat big. Currys deliver from their Newark warehouse and I asked him if he lived in Newark. He actually came from Mansfield so that explained a lot!

I think you’ll find that was Harry S Trueman. Don’t want to cause offence though!

Although I wouldn’t do it purposefully on a public forum I always say ‘a day when I haven’t offended someone is a day wasted’. The trouble is it’s usually my wife!

An old Cockney friend of mine who lived down the East End of London back in those days, and whose father was a docker, said ‘I didn’t realise you could buy a watch from jeweler until I was sixteen!’

You’d get locked up for writing those words today. Freedom of speech is no longer our right. Whatever you say you will offend someone nowadays. Some people go out of their way to take offence.

You can see that when Watson Fothergill designed the building with the tower he did have the foresight to predict its future use.

No Brew, I’ve cancelled it. It was getting just too much for him. I’m seeing if the Salvation Army can do anything for me.

No, Catfan, I’m talking about the original style at the back. I learnt to drive in 1960.

That’s the very model of the Vauxhall Victor I learnt to drive in. I’ve not seen one for many years, they’ve probable all rusted away. I also rember RG Pascoe. That was the man with the beard who used supply the PA system at the Henry Mellish school sports day.

She was Louise Ciccone pre-madonna.

I thought only ladies shaved their chest hair.

The Russians did it.

Well thanks once again Rog for bringing that superb dinner into the pub last night. I thought the white tie and tails was a bit over the top but it added to the ambiance of the occasion. The moment you took the lid off the silver salver it caused a gasp from the drinkers in the bar. When you flambéd the crepe Suzette at the table and the smoke alarms went off it was a masterstroke. I did have to stand the lads from the fire brigade a round of drinks but being volunteers they did have to leave their homes to attend the false alarm. Now what’s on the menu for tonight? Broken leg nearly mended no

Just remembered - it was Norman Greaves.

I remember that Little London herbalist. Never went in of course! There was another similar one on Alfreton Rd. What was that called?

I thought I was pushing my luck but you’re just taking the p**s.

Don’t relax for too long Rog. Remember my order for the smoked salmon parcels, filet mignon and crepes Suzette. Oh and a bottle of Chateau Lafitte Rothschild please. I know it’s it’s a bit extravagant for a Monday and my wife was going to give me stew but since I’ve been having your meals on wheels my broken leg is starting to feel much better. I shall be in the Old Coach House at Southwell from 9pm. They don’t serve food there so you won’t be treading on their toes.

I knew Chris Gibson quite well. Gibson Waste dealt with our skips and Chris was a hands on sort of bloke. He was driving a Daimler at the time and he was invited to Mann Egerton, the Jag dealership, for an open evening. Chris looked a bit scruffy. He was looking at a car when a salesman came over and said ‘do you think you can afford this sir?’. Chris said ‘I can afford to buy every bloody car in the showroom and take you on as my chauffeur!’ He could as well! I believe he retired to live in Jersey where you had to prove you were of substantial worth to be able to buy a property.

It was the little touches I liked. The crisp white napkins, the flowers for the table, the petits fours. It’s just a pity that Derbyshire is too hilly for the trike.