banjo48 928 Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 I don't do jokes or supposed funnies normally, but this brought a smile to me today, posted by my son who still lives in Nottm, on his FB page. "EARTHQUAKE IN MANSFIELD An earthquake measuring 4.3 on the Richter scale hit Mansfield in the early hours, its epicentre was in Shirebrook. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fuuuckinell". The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Mansfield 103.7FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Mansfield. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Nike or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. ***Breaking news*** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Ravensdale" said the girl, "wossit gotta do wiv you?" 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blondie 1,392 Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Sounds about right.......... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin1945 16,181 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Nowt to laugh about............i nearly Wed a lass from Mansfield..........me Mam stopped me.......... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
loppylugs 8,429 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Eh! I was born there. :-) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin1945 16,181 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Sorry Loppy...........she was a lovely girl.........but Mam just could'nt take to her...........and i was only a boy......lol. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carni 10,094 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Mi Mams from Mansfield. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin1945 16,181 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Well it woud'nt be her......would it Carnie...........................................................................................would it ? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carni 10,094 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Daddy 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
denshaw 2,874 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Was her name Donna? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
carni 10,094 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Margie. Ner ner na ner ner. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MargieH 7,613 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 I was in Mansfield from 1961 - 1963 and I did usually go out with boys who were younger than me! (But not ones who were still at school!!) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin1945 16,181 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Sorry about me Mam Margie...........lol. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MargieH 7,613 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 That's OK. But unless your aliases include the names Malcolm, Blackie, Lionel, Pete or Terry, it wasn't me! 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Mansfield today Bulwell tomorrow 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Compo 10,328 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 I saw a man buy a packet of 19 B&H fags in the newsagents yesterday....What's that all about? 19 fags? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
broxtowelad 175 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Cutting down? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
catfan 14,793 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Tobacco companies afraid to put a pack of fags through the £10 a packet barrier. Easier to reduce the contents instead, shows just how daft some people are. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Capstal "Full Strength" are over £10 a packet http://www.mysmokingshop.co.uk/index2.php?mod=mancats&sec=805&man=129 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Michael Booth 7,364 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
denshaw 2,874 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 It's easy to give up smoking, I did it four times one day. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bubblewrap 3,815 Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 ONLY FOUR ? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
broxtowelad 175 Posted May 11, 2016 Report Share Posted May 11, 2016 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-36256534Sheepish police blur faces of lambs at centre of alleged rustling Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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