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Mr Bag Carrier (or do I mean carrier bag?).  I know exactly where I’m going, thank you.  It’s everyone else who has no idea!  (Present government excepted - ooh sorry, I forgot I never lie)

Minister for Art, your stools are your business... 

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We have studiously ignored ownership claims of the stool. Unless the orrible memnber wites his name on his stool ownership is denied.

 

May we now Mr Speaker turn to more serious matters. The Home Secratarty is showing a disconcerting degree of lack of lucidity. She is no longer sure of what she means and is offering thanks without stating what she thanking the chamber for, there is also the matter of a queue of Uber drivers asking her whereabouts. When asked she relied on the old political saw of 'it weren't me it's them others'.

We must also consider the Minister for Art and his alledged actions whom the Home Secretary has reported for running a business creating stools all over the house...

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The Minister of Art has decided that, after the House has showed a remarkable lack of interest, he decided to remove the said stools from his chamber and offer them to IKEA, for use in their dining area accompanied with their meatballs and spaghetti. Your servant, Mr Speaker sir.

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I feel that we need to go Into recess now or there’ll be trouble from the powers that be for hi jacking this thread.  
imsorry  

The Home Secretary is now resigning her post (mainly because she can’t stop laughing ) and is moving to a quiet place in the country where her tinnitus can have  full reign.

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It's not so much what he has to do, so much as who he did it to  -  but we don't mention that in polite company. It's mainly a ceremonial role that entails paying subscriptions to my paypal account ... driving the dignitaries on official business or when they get tired n emotional from all the negotiating. The Rover  (poor mans Rolls they used to be called), will of course have to be commandeered for this purpose... oh, and a bit of busking on the side to cheer us up if it's raining (bring your own piano).

 

The right 'orrible member for Lewes is the present incumbent in the arts n crafts dept: though that may depend on who's looking and how fast they can run. His behaviour has been called into question of late...

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1 hour ago, MargieH said:

where her highness can have  full reign.

 

The resignation of the Home Secretary is accepted on the grounds of delusions of grandeur..

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I know my place

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Will Mr Bag Carrier please stop misquoting me (or perhaps make a masked trip to Specsavers).  I do not   have delusions of grandeur and if you continue in this fashion I’ll set the corgis on you!

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An' another thing . I'll  'Ave you know there's nowt wrong with my behaviour! It's allus bin questionable an' I've served the 'ouse faithfully. Your servant sir.

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18 hours ago, Brew said:

Protocol demands you seek permission from the minster for International Trade before you can enter into negotiations with a foreign power for a gunboat.

As you well know, the Minister for International Trade and other procurement officials have been in our pocket for decades. It all started when we were at school together. Us ex Berridge graduates are untouchable.

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5 hours ago, Beekay said:

I've served the ouse faithfully. Your servant

 

Now I know why the water tastes funny..

 

5 hours ago, MargieH said:

Mr Bag Carrier

 

I, madam, am a pursuivant of arms! Chief Toter and Bearer of Impedimenta, Paraphernalia and Accoutrements, although I may have, on occasion, assisted members with baggages.

 

I and my fellow toters have undergone many minutes of training in the art of 'umping, toting, bowing and scraping in order to graduate and become full memebers of our college.

We proudly wear our coats with arms, sleeves n pockets - everything really.

- Gules, issuant from the base crossed bedposts vert beteween two ducal pillows. Our motto - Semper Stutlus is one we carry with pride.

A mere bag carrier madam,  I am not!  :angry2:

 

 

3 hours ago, PeverilPeril said:

As you well know, the Minister for International Trade and other procurement officials have been in our pocket for decades. It all started when we were at school together. Us ex Berridge graduates are untouchable.

 

The Hyson Green Illuminati  are well known to the house, however we are reliably informed the Radford branch of the geriatricmafioso and the Clifton branch of the inarticulato and dyslexic Heel Angles claimed dibs on new scooters before you... We do however seem to have a surplus of high speed stools if you can make anything from them

 

 

 

 

 

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Mr carry a bag, the  Great Ouse flows sluggishly through my constituency, so I do not appreciate your comments on its questionable purity.

 

Semper stultus ..... if I may say so, this is a very appropriate motto for your position!

 

Not suffering from dyslexia myself, I had  a little difficulty at first in understanding your reference to Heel Angles but the penny has now dropped!  Must pick it up quickly before some undeserving oik finds it.

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I never did mention the Great Ouse, or the little un come to that. I was in fact referring to the 'ouse with an Aitch, which I serve in my capacity of stool maker, either as bar or milking, (3 leg or pedestal). I am renowned throughout the county for my stools. I even colour them. Your servant sir.

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The only Ouse I know is a mucky dyke that flows  through Gedling.  

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2 hours ago, Beekay said:

I never did mention the Great Ouse, or the little un come to that. I was in fact referring to the 'ouse with an Aitch, which I serve in my capacity of stool maker, either as bar or milking, (3 leg or pedestal). I am renowned throughout the county for my stools. I even colour them. Your servant sir.

 

You mentioned serving Ouse to Faith Fully, not I. No idea who she is but hopefully it'll be OK if you keep it private and don't leave any stools lying around.

 

3 hours ago, MargieH said:

Great Ouse flows sluggishly through my constituency

 

Madam I can hardly be blamed if your constituion is sluggish! As for my position I assure you if it were not for my arthritis it would probably be more extreme!

I would also urge  a trip beyond the fens where you will find Librum, Solidus and Denarious has not been in use for almost 50 years. throw your pennies away ma'am I implore you and embrace the 21st century

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Faith Fully used be the team leader of the Fenland Mountain Rescue Association. The position was lost however, after losing a constituent on top of Mount Ely.

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To Mr Baggy Holder... are you by any chance Noddy’s brother?

But back to business,  are you really saying my shillings and pence won’t be accepted north of Peterborough?  (apart from in the Lincolnshire fens of course - but that really goes without saying).   

Why  wasn’t I told?   That’s ruined my careful accounts now - what a good job I’m not the Chancellor!  
 

I believe I met Ms Fully once while she was abseiling down the banks of the Ouse to rescue a large cat, which had apparently fallen into the river.   Unfortunately the cat turned out to be the Fen Tiger ...so Ms Fully (like the Monty Python’s parrot) is now no more - deceased, - despite my shouting ‘Wakey Wakey’ in her ear several times..


I think I need to go and read a bit of Coleridge now as this conversation is rapidly becoming more and more dreamlike and I have absolutely no idea where I’m going (Once again)
 

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3 hours ago, loppylugs said:

The only Ouse I know is a mucky dyke that flows  through Gedling.  

It was the end of our garden when I lived during my early years in Nevvo.  So narrow I could leap over it as an 8 year old. 

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Our  Ouse is much bigger although it is slow moving because it’s so flat in the fens

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Noddy's brother?... you saying I have big ears?... strange indeed are the workings of the mind female. The short answer is of course no but Dildo Baggins and his sister, Faith are 15th cousins twice removed - only once after the bail was paid.

 

Re. the coinage, mesages were sent via a boy with a cleft stick as is the usual practice when dealing with fen folk. Providing you have not eaten him, again!,  he should be there by Thursday.

 

I really have my suspicison about your story re; Faith Fully. Anyone who can lose their way twice in one topic is not to be relied upon, nor do I believe she looks anything like a parrot! The fact she is reputed to sit on a gentlemans knee and call him a pretty boy is irrelevant.

 

Any and all impressions of Billy Cotton are passe in all parts of the Kingdom, except  where they refuse to give up the habit of eating messenger boys obviously.

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I think  you would be more likely to die of poisoning than drowning if you fell in the Ouse dyke.  :Shock:

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Aah, Sloppy, but the Netherfield ouse is a completely different cup of tea than our grand River Ouse!  Not that either would make a very good cup of tea in their untreated states.

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I've 'ad it!!!  First I'm Loopy and as as if thats not bad enough, now I'm SLOPPY  Drinking tea made from the Ouse dyke in the Untreated States.  :crazy:

 

We've got our own poisonous dykes even worse than the Ouse.  Everythings bigger over here you know!  :biggrin:

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